conversations

Conversations with Swami Medhasanandaji

1999 December

Initiation

Swami Medhasananda initiated in December 1999. It probably was on the 11th, Saturday. Along with me, there was Mr. Shiv Kumar. We both were initiated that day.

There was a brief ceremony and Maharaj asked us to offer all our good and bad actions and their results unto the Lord. I asked him whether it was ok to offer our bad actions also to the Lord, and he said yes.

Maharaj said the following :

This is a simple ceremony. The ceremonial aspect is not so important. What is important is the devotion to the Lord and the feeling of self surrender. Think that the mantra will take you to the Lord.

I am just a medium. I will introduce you to Thakur. Apart from that I am nothing.

From now on, do not look at yourself as a normal householder. Consider yourself as a devotee of Thakur. Think of yourself as his son. Consider yourself as a householder devotee.

From now on, consider all your work as being done for the lord. All your work is sacred which you will offer to the lord. So do it in the best way possible. Try to serve people. That is the religion of Swamiji. You need not go out of your way, but whenever possible serve other people.

He told me the mantram, and showed me how to count it on the fingers of the hand. He asked me to repeat it for one cycle of 108 counts with him. He told me not to write the mantram anywhere, nor to tell it to anybody. He asked me to repeat it atleast 108 times every morning and evening.

2000 January - December

Brahmacharya

Baba Johar had asked me to ask Maharaj some questions regarding Brahmacharya. Maharaj said the following :

The loss of semen no doubt has an adverse effect on the body. But the body recovers from that. For different people, the recovery time is different. This is not the main problem. The main problem is with the mind. Indulging in sex implies a lack of sense control and a desire for bodily pleasures. This mentality is not good. As long as this mentality remains, one cannot progress in Spiritual Life.

Regarding married people, He reminded me of the advice of Thakur. That after a few children, husband and wife should live together as brother and sister. He said that there are ways and means to help make this possible. And that he would tell me these later. I did not want to ask about these ways and means as I did not consider the time ripe for embarking on a strict brahmacharya married life.

2001 May

Story of Ashtavakra

Maharaj related the following story of Ashtavakra.

Ashtavakra was a great saint. When he was in his mother's womb, his father was teaching some students. Seeing him make some mistake, Ashtavkra corrected him from within his mother's womb. His father was very angry with him. His father cursed him and so he was born with deformities. Because of these deformities, he was known as Ashtavakra.

Once he went to the darbar of King Janaka. Seeing his deformed body, initially the gatekeepers did not let him enter. When he talked with them a little, they realised that he was a learned person and let him enter. Because of his deformed body, he used to walk in a very strange way. Seeing him, lots of people in the court of Janaka laughed out aloud. Hearing them laugh, Ashtavakra said : "I was hoping to find pundits in the court of Janaka, but all I see is cobblers". They were silenced. But they were curious as to why did he call them cobblers. Of all professions, why choose cobblers. When asked, he replied that cobblers deal with the skin. They do not care about the other parts.

From this story, we learn two lessons. One is never to criticise our elders. And the other is to not judge people by their skin or appearance.

May 3-4 Thu-Fri

Me : Maharaj, should I take care of what I eat?

Maharaj : After getting initiated, try not to eat beef.

May 5 Sat

Today during the morning Japa, I felt a light in the heart. I thought that this must be the way the Atman must feel. The body was shaking a bit as it does sometimes when it is not peaceful. I felt that the light in the heart was distinct from the body and did not move with the body. The light felt stationary and in communication with my thoughts of the Lord.

I also felt that Thakur was the Lord of the Universe. And that the Guru was a Divine Personality and that I was a mere child. I felt that even though Thakur was the Lord of the Universe, there was no -ve feelings associated with grandeur with him. Inspite of his greatness, he was simple. And I thought that it is the same with Maharaj. He is a Divine Child of the Mother and yet he appears as a simple person.

I did japa for once and then did not do another round as my legs were aching. I just changed my posture and sat there, sometimes doing japa and sometimes thinking of other things.

After sometime, I again had the inclination of doing japa. I started again. I had a thought that Maharaj was sitting there just to guide me thru it. And I was surprised to see that when I opened my eyes after finishing japa, Maharaj was also bowing down to Thakur.

Later I bowed before Maharaj and prayed for Purity, Devotion and Strength.

Me : Maharaj, I am reading the Gospel of the Holy Mother. It is so surprising. There are so many things which are in a way difficult to believe. Like in the Puranas. And she is so nice. Thakur's teachings are simple, but her teachings are simpler.

Maharaj : Yes it is like the Puranas. And see how much power there is in the mother. Thakur was worshipped only a few times. The mother was worshipped so many times. And yet it did not effect her in the least. No change in her facial expression, in the way of dealing with people. So many different people would come and worship her. Nag mahashaya would be in Ecstasy. But she would not be effected by this. Normal people get affected by even a small respect shown to them. And even if they are not effected by a small amount of respect shown to them, they are effected when they are respected a lot. She would give initiation, and then rush to the kitchen.

Thakur's teachings are also simple, but he was a hard task master. He would scold and get angry. But mother always forgives. She will correct mistakes but in a gentle manner.

The Holy Mother could, if she wished, see the past, present and the future of anybody who came to her. Even when she thus saw the past, present and future of the devotee, she did not see any of his faults. Because she did not want to see any of his faults. And if some devotee confessed his faults to her, she at once forgave him for his faults.

Maharaj : Some people ask whether there is anybody in India who has had Nirvikalpa Samadhi. But this type of questioning, this type of curiosity is useless. It is like going to a zoo and looking at a tiger. It only satisfies the curiosity. Apart from that there is no change. Even if somebody in India has had Nirvikalpa Samadhi, how does that effect you? You will remain the same. For Swami Vivekananda and the rest, these types of questions were meaningful. They were looking for a role model. But if you ask questions just to satisfy your curiosity, it is not good.

Me : Maharaj, what is this regarding the two principles : Purusha and Prakriti. About Thakur and Ma.

Maharaj : In both, Thakur and Ma, there are both aspects -- Purusha and Prakriti. In Ma there are more aspects of Prakriti -- those of nurturing, preservation, ...

Me : Maharaj, did she only have Sattva Guna?

Maharaj : No, she had all three. All three are required for the functioning of the body. But she had 99.9 percent Sattva. She had Rajas when she worked and Tamas when she rested and slept.

Me : Maharaj, do all women have more of Prakriti and all men have more of Purusha?

Maharaj : All men have some characteristics of both men and women. Same with all women. And also, all children have some characteristics of adults and all adults have some characteristics of children. The Purusha aspect is the same in all. The women have more of the aspects of Prakriti -- nurturing, preservation, binding, ... Of course, Hanuman ji prays that in all women may I see Sita and in all men may I see Rama, But that is in the sense that whenever he sees a woman, may he be reminded of Sitaji.

Me : Maharaj, will I be alone in the Math when you go for the lecture?

Maharaj : No, Thakur and Ma will be here with you. And I will also be here in a subtle sense.

2001 May 27, Sunday

Maharaj had graciously agreed to have dinner at our home.

He was quite exhausted due to work pertaining to the Public Celebration of Swami Vivekananda's Birthday, and due to the fact that he reached Kyokai after midnight the previous day. He has also been suffering from acidity for some time. Inspite of all these, he was very kind to agree to come to our home.

It is difficult for sinners, for lower beings such as us, to balance between wanting to take the advantage of Maharaj's presence and leaving him to his lofty moods and thoughts. For our intrusion necessarily will effect him spiritually, mentally and physically. May the Lord guide us in this.

Maharaj came a little before 7 pm. On the way he had bought some chocolates for Arjun and Radhika.

He rested for a while. After getting up at about 8 pm, he sat down before Thakur and Ma and Swamiji and asked me to sit too. Then we chanted Khandana-bhawa-bandhana and Sarva-mangala-mangalye. After this Maharaj sat down with his eyes closed. I was also sitting next to him with my eyes open, trying to concentrate the mind on doing Japa.

The children were taking dinner when Radhika scratched Arjun's right eye. Some blood also came out. So, Sarika and I went to the hospital. Maharaj stayed at home. We went at about 8:20 and came back at about 10:00 pm. Maharaj was just like a family member -- actually better than a family member -- very concerned and very peaceful.

We felt bad that Maharaj was delayed again in his dinner and in reaching the Kyokai. But as Thakur wants, so he arranges.

Maharaj had a bit of food. He only had two pooris and some sabji. I asked him whether Thakur used to take pooris everyday. It seemed thus to me from reading in the Vachanamrit. Maharaj said that the normal food was rice. Sometimes, Thakur used to take pooris. He said that Thakur had a weak stomach and so did Mother. Then he joked that he too had inherited a weak stomach from Thakur and Ma.

Inspite of the delay in serving food, and the small scratch in Arjun's eye, we all were in a very joyful mood. It of course was due to Maharaj's presence. Sarika had worked hard the whole day in preparing food, cleaning the house, and taking care of the children, but it seemed that her mind too was full of peace and joy.

On the way back to the station, Maharaj talked about the attachment parents have for children. His parents too asked him to regularly write a few lines informing about his well being. His mother is still alive. He writes letters to her regularly. His father passed away about a year after Maharaj came to Japan. Maharaj said that if possible, we could go together to visit his mother.

Maharaj talked a bit about his father. His father was a very nice person. Maharaj said that he was fortunate to have such a nice father. His father's Ishta Devata was Shri Krishna. He also respected Thakur and Ma and Swamiji. That is why he sent Maharaj to study in a Ramakrishna School. He was reading the Gita when he got a stroke. Lots of people from neighbouring villages came to see him when he was lying in bed. He was loved and respected by his neighbours and other people from the locality. When he passed away, people on their own closed their shops as a mark of respect. His name was (Anath + friend) and he was a homeopathy doctor. He did not take money from the people who could not afford to pay. Sometimes, people used to pay in kind - vegetables, fish, ...

2001 May 28, Monday

At about 9:30 pm Maharaj called. He enquired about Arjun's eye.

On the previous day, while we were coming back to our house from Tagore's Birth Celebrations in Meguro, he had asked me to keep a pamphlet in his shoulder bag -- so that I do not need to carry it in my hand. He had forgotten to give it to me before leaving our home. He also mentioned that and offered to send it by post.

When there is no ego and there is an abundance of a feeling of love, how it flows out. How, in seemingly insignificant things also, one can nourish the other person by love.

Undated

Maharaj made remarks to the following effect :

Thakur was a unique teacher. Normally, teachers tell disciples to exert more, to work hard. When Thakur would see that somebody is exerting too much, he would ask the person to slow down or even to completely stop his spiritual exercises for some time.

There was a young disciple of the Holy Mother. He was staying with her at Jayrambati. When he would see lots of people coming and asking the mother complex questions, he would be worried for the mother. He thought it will be better if these people do not ask such questions because mother will not be able to answer them. But the Mother is all knowing. What are such questions for her. She could satisfy all with her answers.

Regarding free will, self exertion, law of karma, dependence on God :

We have a limited amount of free will. The law of Karma works. God is above the law of Karma and by his grace, we can avoid the effects of past karma.

So, who is acting? Who is the performer of these actions - me or the Lord?

Till the time we have an ego, it is we who act. As soon as we realise that it is the Lord who acts, then we no longer can act - then it is the Lord who acts. When we have total dependence on the Lord, then it is He who acts.

Me : Maharaj, is it possible to have complete self surrender?

Maharaj : It is not possible for a householder to have complete self surrender.

Me : Maharaj, please tell me which book to read. Maharaj looked around on the bookshelf and handed me a copy of the "The Mother as I Saw Her" and said, "First read this book. Then read The Gospel of the Holy Mother."

After I had read these two books, I asked Maharaj again for which book I should read. He told me to read Swami Nikhilananda's biography of the Holy Mother. He handed me a copy of the book from the Math library. I also purchased a copy of the biography of the Mother by Swami Gambhirananda.

At the time of initiation, I had been instructed by Maharaj to repeat the mantram by keeping count on the fingers. I thought that it was a distraction. I asked him whether it was ok to repeat without keeping count. He said no ; it was better to keep count. Then I asked him whether I could stop keeping count after the first round. He said no ; it was better to keep count for the second and subsequent rounds too.

On another occasion, I asked Maharaj whether I should get a mala for keeping count of the mantram. He said that one had to be very careful with a mala. It has to be kept very carefully, and that he had a mala and could give it to me. He asked me whether I wanted to do japam on a mala. I said I did not know and would do as he instructed me. He then said that if I did not have a particular wish to do japam on a rosary, then for the time being I should carry on on my fingers.

2001 December

Dec 24 Mon

A function was scheduled for Christmas Eve. It was a holiday for me because of the Emperor's Birthday. I was planning to go in the evening. It had been many months since I had had the darshan of Maharaj. Maharaj was very kind in himself calling me up. He, as always, enquired about my health and the health of Sarika and the children ; and as always said that it had been a long time since I had visited him. He then asked me to come in the morning and help in some typing work for his book on Benaras.

Colombo-san had come from the Phillipines to spend the christmas with Maharaj. Amit and another Japanese lady were also there to help in the typing. During lunch, we had a nice long talk with Maharaj.

He said :

There are two concepts - freedom of the senses, and freedom from the senses. The people in America normally are inclined towards freedom of the senses. They think that control is not good, that the senses should be allowed to go free. This is the difference in the Vedantic thought with that of the Americans. We think in terms of freedom from the senses. For this, control of the senses is necessary. Some basic control is necessary in all facets of life. Without control, you cannot even lead a normal healthy life.

2002 January

Jan 1 Tue

On the first of January, I remembered that Pitaji used to take us to Hanuman Tilla on the new year. So, we decided to go and have Maharaj's darshan. We went by car. We started from home around 3 pm. Because of the new year holidays, there was a lot of traffic. We reached the Math shortly after 6:30.

Maharaj had gone for a round of the temples in Kamakura. He does this in celebration of Kalpataru Day. He came back before 7 pm. He expressed his surprise and happiness at seeing us. We were hoping not to have dinner and to just have his Darshan and come back. Hence we had not pre-informed him of our visit. He would not listen to us and made us have dinner with him.

Maharaj gave us a beautiful calendar which has the sayings of Thakur, Ma, and the direct disciples. It also marks the birthdays of Thakur, Ma and the direct disciples.

Jan 20 Sun

Today was the public celebration of Holy Mother's birthday at the Kyokai. I had been looking forward to go to the Math to have Maharaj's darshan. Sarika and I got up a bit early to prepare sandesh to take as an offering. We wanted to start by about 9 am but were delayed. At about 10, I called Maharaj and told him that we would be coming. He was surprised that we had not started already (and so would be late for the program) and asked us to start as soon as possible. We started at about 10:30. I was thinking that it would take us between 1:30 and 2 hours and that we would miss Maharaj's lecture. But by the grace of the Lord, we took the expressway and reached the Math a few minutes before 11:30.

Maharaj's lecture had started. We went and sat there. Among other things, he said :

There are two parts in the mind - one that is logical, peaceful, mature, harmonious ... And the other that is illogical, restless, immature, not in harmony ...

We need to control the latter portion by the former portion of the mind. This was the teaching of the Holy Mother.

We could not stay for long to hear Maharaj's lecture. The children were getting restless.

During the meal, and even afterwards, Maharaj was very playful with Arjun and Radhika. He did become like a child with them. He even sang a few lines of hindi songs for them.

It was the way Thakur was - not under the sway of any guna. One moment, Maharaj was discoursing in all solemnity, and the next moment he was playing with the kids. No hold on the mind of the ego of knowledge or superiority.

He said to Sarika : Sarika is worried that Arjun may become a monk. But it all depends on the Lord. It does not depend on anybody else. Somebody wants to be a monk and he cannot become a monk. There are some parents who want their children to become monks but they do not become monks. Sometimes, a holy man wants a promising young man to become a monk, and that young man does not become a monk. It all depends on the Lord. So, Sarika, do not be worried.

I also noticed that Maharaj did not greet me with the customary smile and words - though he was very playful with Arjun. It did set me thinking. And some nice thoughts came :

There is a precedent with Thakur completely ignoring Swami Vivekananda for about 20 days, and the latter being uneffected by this. This is to drive home the point that our relationship is neither based on, nor sustained by the social etiquettes. A deep relationship does not care about superficialities like smiles and words and other social graces.

Our relationship is of the spirit. The best way I can serve him is to do my spiritual practises and purify my mind. The second best way I can serve him is by offering services such as the following : type lectures, help in other work.

We had prepared sandesh and taken it to the Math. Maharaj liked the sweet but when we informed him that we were trying to make sandesh, he was amused. What we made probably was very far from what actual sandesh tastes like. He told Sarika that if she likes, he can tell her the recipe of sandesh.

We came back after lunch as I thought that the children would continue to be restless and would not let us sit in the Q&A session.

Jan 25 Fri

Maharaj called at about 7:50 in the morning.

He reminded me about the lecture in the Indian Embassy on Saturday.

He also said that we had forgotten the payasam which he had given to us when we had gone to the Math on the 20th. In some confusion created because Sarika and I were trying to hurry and get the kids dressed up and at the same time talk to people regarding the car parking, we forgot the payasam box. He said that he had asked Suzuki-san whether they could courier it to us but Suzuki-san had suggested that the payasam would be spoiled.

It is worthwhile to contrast Maharaj's behaviour on Jan 20th when he did not show any social greetings and now when he was so concerned. The love is deep. It is not dependent on physical, social, cultural niceties.

Jan 26 Sat

Went to attend Maharaj's lecture at the Indian Embassy. The lecture was part of a series of lectures on Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. The lecture was scheduled from 5:15 PM to 7:00PM.

The lecture mainly focussed on the Sutra - Tasya Vachak Pranav. Maharaj talked about the concept of Ishwara, Om, Japam, and a few more things. He asked everybody to be more regular. He asked all to also try to come for Swamiji's Birthday Celebrations on Feb 17th.

The lecture was very elevating. I felt very nice. I took notes of the lecture so as to be able to concentrate more.

While coming back from Kudanshita to the Tokyo station, I could have a talk with Maharaj. I requested him to come to our home after the next lecture for dinner. He said that it would be late for him. I said that he would be able to eat dinner earlier than if he had to have it at the Kyokai. He then said that he would have to travel all the way to the Kyokai in the cold at night. I said that I would leave him at the Kyokai in the car and that if we go by the expressway, it only takes about an hour. He was just smiling all the time. I have to remember to request him again.

I also asked him whether we could advertise the lecture more. He said that a notice was taken out in the Daily Yomiuri. I asked him whether we could avertise it in more places. He agreed and I said that I will talk to Amit and see what else we could do. I need to keep this in mind too and work on this.

2002 February

Feb 17 Sun

Today was the public celebration of the Birthday of Swamiji and also was the Saraswati Pooja day. Went to the Math with Sarika, the children, Mummy and Papa from Ambala.

Reached the Math when the offering to the Diety was to commence. After that, did not sit in the lecture as the kids were hungry. Fed the kids while Sarika attended the lecture.

Columbo-san was also present. He had come on Thursday. Maharaj had asked him about some work related to making a list of libraries so that information regarding Maharaj's book on Benaras could be passed on to them. Columbo-san shared the information with me and gave me his business card. He told me that Maharaj would talk to me regarding this matter later. And asked me to mail him to discuss further work, if any.

While taking leave of Maharaj, he asked me if Columbo-san had talked to me and said that he would talk later in detail. He also enquired about how long the in-laws would stay and then asked me to bring them to the embassy lecture if they wanted ot come.

I had some nice thoughts today regarding the relation of the Guru and the Disciple. Earlier I used to worry about going to Maharaj as a beggar. I thought that I always was begging for spirituality. And he would become that much the poorer by imparting spirituality to me.

The nice thoughts I had were that it is not begging. I desire spirituality. Maharaj, out of his grace and kindness is always wanting to guide me, to take me along the path, to impart spirituality to me (as one gives an apple). What is stopping him? My own impurities, un-preparedness.

Another thought was : I do not in any way lessen his spirituality by feeling elevated in his presence. It is like the sun. If I bask in the heat and warmth of the sun, it does not make the sun any cooler because of me. So, Maharaj radiates spirituality. If I go for his darshan, it only benefits me. He is not effected either way.

From the Math, I came back with an elevated mood and three books -- Talks with Swami Vivekananda, Narada Bhakti Sutras by Swami Prabhavananda, and Days in an Indian Monastery by Sister Devamata.

In the evening, when I sat down to do Japam, after some time, I had a strange experience. I felt as if space was contorting and that I would somehow be crushed. It was not enjoyable. I was actually a bit scared. I remembered Thakur saying that somebody gave up his body during meditation as a Ghost had slapped him. I opened my eyes and slowly regained my composure.

I thought that I felt strange as I was not ready in body and mind, not pure enough to have visions.

This is a reminder to take control of myself and get down to work. Or else, my whole life will slip away like sand slips through the hand.

2002 March

30 Mar Sat

I went with Papa from Ambala to attend Maharaj's lecture at the Indian Embassy. Shankar also came with us. We were just in time. We entered the hall as the lights were being closed for the initial 5 minute meditation.

The talk was on Pranayama. After explaining different types of Pranayama, Maharaj said that all of these were explained so that the discussion on the methods for controlling the mind is complete. Patanjali does not recommend Pranayama as the preferred method for controlling the mind.

Later in the Question and Answer session, he said that for people like us (householders), the way is to be Karma Yogis. To work well with a spirit of detachment. To love our relatives and to serve them well with a spirit of detachment. If something valuable is desired, a price needs to be paid for it. The more the value, the higher the price. Since our aim is the attainment of the knowledge of Brahman, the price is high. On the other hand, in some ways, it is easier than the efforts spent in the aquisition of degrees.

Maharaj had kindly agreed to grace our home with his presence and to take dinner. On his suggestion, we had also invited Columbo-san and Horita-san. Columbo-san was on a short visit to Maharaj. He had taken advantage of the Easter holidays in the Phillipines and had come to meet Maharaj for 3-4 days.

We all proceeded to our home in our car. It took about 45 minutes and we reached home at about 8:45 pm.

On the way, I related to Maharaj the information provided by Shankar regarding an alternate hall which was available for free in Yokohama. Shankar suggested that Maharaj could shift the Embassy talk to Yokohama. This way the commuting time for Maharaj would be less and the talk would not be disrupted by functions in the Embassy. Maharaj said that it would be better to carry on in the Embassy. One advantage is that in this way, a contact is maintained with the Embassy. Another advantage is that for the ladies who stay in the Embassy, and who attend the talks regularly and also prepare and bring snacks for the attendies, it will be difficult to come to Yokohama. He asked me to convey these thoughts of his and his decision to Shankar. I need to remember this. He also said that a different venue is being searched for Swami Vivekanada's Annual Public Birthday Celebrations which are held at Ikebukuro. The Hall is too big for the audience which normally attends(about 300-400 people). On my enquiry, he said that the Hall needs to be paid for.

On reaching home, Arjun was exceedingly happy to see Maharaj. Radhika too was happy but Arjun could not express how happy he was. He was running up and down, jumping about, even doing summer saults without using his hands! Maharaj said that Maya (a child of a Japanese devotee couple who frequent the Math) is also pleased like this to see him. Maharaj gave some candies to Arjun and Radhika. Arjun was too happy to express his happiness. But did not talk to Maharaj. He just was runnning around in his happiness. Radhika talked with Maharaj. She showed him her books, toys, photographs.

After sitting for a while, Maharaj went with Horita-san and Columbo-san to the Shrine. He sat on the asana, in vajra asana, with his eyes closed for about a minute. Horita-san and Columbo-san also sat on the floor. I was standing nearby.

Sarika and Mummy had prepared delicious food which was very much appreciated by all. This time, Maharaj ate a bit better than the last time, but still he ate less. He said that he ate less for dinner.

After the meal, I thought that I would leave Maharaj and the others at the Math in the car, and said so. But Maharaj firmly declined, saying that all they had to do was to sit in the train and then take a taxi from the Zushi station.

I and Papa accompanied them to the station.

And so came to an end a wonderful and joyous evening.

2002 April

21 Apr Sun

This was the 3rd Sunday of the Month. I had planned to attend all 3rd Sunday meetings at Zushi this year, along with Sarika and the children. But the previous week, I had been a bit unwell. I also awoke at 9 am on Sunday. So, I had made up my mind not to go to the Math.

Out of his love, Maharaj called. His call came a little after 9. He asked what my plan was and said that he had some typing work for me. I was so glad that now we would be able to go.

Sarika got the children ready and we had our breakfast and were on our way by 10:15. We reached at about 11:00. The Chanting was going on prior to Maharaj's lecture.

Maharaj's lecture was on "the need for studies for a spiritual aspirant". I learnt a lot of important things. He said that there are three planes -- body, intellectual, spiritual. Unless an aspirant's previous samskaras are very good, he cannot keep at the spiritual plane for long. He has to come down. Here comes the use of the intellectual plane. If the aspirant does not busy himself with the spiritual plane, he will fall to the physical plane. And the results of that are not nice.

He said that even in ancient times, when disciples finished their education and took leave of their preceptors, the preceptors gave them some instructions. These were of the type - speak the truth ; consider your parents as gods ; consider an atithi as god ; ... There was also one which said - do not neglect your studies. So, we need to keep studying. Else, it is but natural to forget.

There are procedures for studying also defined in our scriptures. The method is to read, then meditate on what you read. To read less and to meditate more. Else we will forget what we have read. He mentioned how Swami Turiyananda would meditate for hours on one shloka of the Gita. This is how books have to be studied. Else it is natural neither to understand nor to retain what you have read.

During lunch, Maharaj was again very playful with Arjun and Radhika. Arjun was very shy and did not talk to Maharaj.

A person - Sumit Mukherji had also come. He is about 28, born in Canada, in Japan since about 3 months, and was initiated at the age of 11! It was nice to talk to him.

Me : Maharaj, why is it that the great souls such as the direct disciples could not have the vision of Thakur whenever they wanted?

Maharaj : The Direct disciples were great souls. To interact with people like us, they had to come down a few levels. Think of it as a multi storied house. Thakur is always at the top level. He did not even have enough conciousness of the world to cover himself with a cloth. The direct disciples come down a few levels to be able to interact with people like us. So, they cannot have the vision of Thakur always. If anybody wants to have the vision of Thakur, either he has to climb up, or in some cases if Thakur wants, he comes down.

Me : Maharaj, what do you think about books like the Autobiography of a Yogi?

Maharaj : These books are best avoided. They give too much emphasis on various powers etc. All that is not true spirituality. True spirituality can only be had if there is purity, love of God and service to the fellow beings. Think how difficult it is to attain purity of mind. To overcome lust and anger and the other impurities.

Maharaj : How much time did it take you to come to the Math?

Me : Maharaj, about 45 minutes.

Maharaj : Is it? That is very nice. Now, the next time, when I visit you, you can come and drop me. And then, you can stay for the night and go back the next morning after the morning worship and breakfast. What do you think about this idea?

Me : (very pleased) Maharaj, it is very nice.

Maharaj : Sarika, what do you think? Can you spare Ashish for one night?

Sarika : Yes Maharaj.

Maharaj : So, it is ok.

2002 September

27 Sep Fri

It had been a long time since Maharaj and graced our house by his presence. I was thinking of requesting him to come to our house for some time, but for one reason or the other, it kept on getting postponed. Finally, on this Friday I called up Maharaj from office to invite him for Dinner on Saturday, on his way back from the Indian Embassy lecture.

He consent to come gladdened my heart. I asked him whether I could invite Horita-san, Amit and the person from Canada (Sumit) too. He said it was ok, but that Sumit will be at work and so will not be attending the lecture. So, he said that instead of Sumit, I could invite Lonnie-san. Then he said that it will be better if I confirmed with Sarika. I said it was fine with her. But he insisted that I discuss this with her first. He said that it is nice to discuss and that Thakur too would discuss such things with the Holy Mother. He asked me to confirm these the next day after discussion with Sarika.

28 Sep Sat

Maharaj called in the morning. I had forgotten that I had to confirm with Maharaj after talking with Sarika. So, he called. He talked with Sarika too. He said that he will prepare a dish and that we should get some momen tofu, karela, eggs and soya sauce. We tried to insist that he not cook. But he wanted to cook.

In the evening, I went to the Embassy for the lecture. The lecture was very nice and elevating. It was on "Yama" of the ashtanga yoga of Patanjali.

Regarding Brahmacharya, Maharaj said we could follow one or more of these advices : (a) avoid tempting places, books, movies, company. (b) think of Thakur in all men and Ma Sarada in all women. (c) think of yourself as conciousness and others as conciousness too. raise yourself above the body idea. (d) do japam.

In the question and answer session I asked whether it was ok to think of Thakur in both men and women. He said that it was easier to identify women with Ma Sarada. Then I said that if I am walking on the road and just have a hazy idea of all the people around me and want to think of Thakur residing in all, would that be fine. He said it was ok.

He said that like any other achievement, Spiritual life needs sacrifice. We need to be constantly alert and need to make choices which reflect our dedication to spiritual life.

Then we all went to our home by car. Maharaj was pleased when the recently released audio casette with hymns and songs sung by Maharaj and other devotees started as soon as the car was started. After some time, he requested me to put on a particular song. This song is a vedic prayer (sam ...) put to music my Tagore (the same music as in Anand Loke). It dwells on harmony and group effort.

At home, the kids were up and waiting for Maharaj. Maharaj had got chocolates for them. He also had got sweets from the embassy. He said that he normally does not do this, but he did this just for Arjun and Radhika. Arjun was shaking Maharaj's hand and Maharaj asked me to take a photograph. I thought it was in jest and did not take a photograph.

Maharaj went and prayed in the shrine along with Horita-san, Lonnie-san and Amit. He asked me whether I burned any incense. I was very embarrased as I had not been praying regularly for many days and had not been burning a deepak or incense for many many more days. I started to fumble to search for incense sticks. He pointed out the packet to me and then asked for the lighter. Then he waived the incense with the artistic motions of the hand with which he does it at the Math. Then all prayed silently for some time.

Then Maharaj prepared the tofu-karela sabji with Sarika. He looked so simple and at home. Such are the great men.

Then we had dinner. Maharaj, as usual, had a very light dinner. He did not have chicken. He said that he does not have it in Japan. He also did not have dal.

After dinner, he was joking by saying some "sher's" and Dohas. A sample : 'jab neend aati hai to khwab aate hain. jab khwaab aate hain to tum aati ho. par jab tum nahi aati, to naahi neend aati hai or naahi khwab aate hain.' I thought that such must have been the "naughty" jokes which Thakur cracked with the youngsters. Another doha was very nice. Its meaning was thus. An elephant is swept away by the current of the river, whereas a fish swims easily. If you take "sharan", then your "laaj" is kept. He also recited a doha of Tulasidas - if you consider other women as your mother, speak the truth and take the name of the Lord and still do not realize God, then Tulasi is a lier.

Maharaj will be going to India for about 6 weeks starting from October 2nd. Four other devotees will go with him for a shorter duration. He will visit Belur Math, Benaras and the South.

I need to remember : Maharaj asked me to get some Gangajal from the Math.

2003

Undated

regarding Astrology

Here is part of what he Maharaj said about Astrology.

There is enough evidence in the literature of Thakur and Ma to show that they both relied on astrological conventions, predictions.

Thakur, like other great saints before him, came not to destroy but to strengthen, awaken. So, he followed the prevalent social customs as long as they were not harmful to spiritual progress.

No doubt astrological calculations can sometimes predict the future events, but our mind should mainly be focussed on spiritual disciplines (Love of God etc.)

There is a story about Mahapurush Maharaj (Swami Shivananda). There were two disciples staying with him. They were very good friends and very fond of each other. One of them was a sevak of Maharaj and the other had come to stay for some days. Soon the time for the departure of the friend came.

The sevak wanted his friend to stay on for a few more days and entreated his friend to stay some more. But the friend had to go and so decided to go on the appointed day.

By chance the appointed day of departure fell on a week day which was considered inauspicious for starting on journeys [i have forgotten which day it was - maybe thursday]. The sevak thought of a plan. He went to Mahapurush Maharaj and said, "Maharaj, even Thakur would not travel on such an inauspicious day, and this my friend is travelling on this day. Please ask him not to start on this day."

To his joy, Mahapurush Maharaj acceeded to his request and asked him to call his friend. And to the friend, Maharaj said, "Please do not go on this inauspicious day."

The friend had some work and so wanted to proceed according to plan. So, he said - "Maharaj, if I take the name of Thakur and then proceed, can anything bad happen to me?" Maharaj said - "No, nothing bad can happen to you." "So," said the friend, "can I proceed on this day after taking Thakur's name and your blessings?". Maharaj said "Sure you can go".

This example shows the thinking of these great people regarding astrology. They do not deny it. And they do not depend too much on it.

He told me another story regarding Ma.

Once, to one of the Ramakrishna Maths came a famous astrologer. By seeing a horoscope, he could predict a few things. On being shown an absent sannyasin's horoscope, he became very angry. He said - "Why are you showing me the horoscope of a person who has already died?" The sannyasin whose horoscope was being studied was not present in the Math. The other present sannyasins tried to convince the astrologer that the sannyasin was very much alive, he was not dead. But the astrologer would not agree. He said that according to the horoscope, the person should have died on this particular date.

Later on when this was disclosed to the sannyasin, it set him thinking. And he remembered an incident which had occured a few days before the date mentioned as his death date by the astrologer.

He had been staying with the Holy Mother. At that time, he had not had sannyasa. All of a sudden, one day she told him to go immediately to Belur Math and get his sannyasa. He was not too keen to leave the Mother and go. But she insisted. And so he went and had his sannyasa.

Swami Medhasanandaji says that Ma had forseen that according to the astrological calculations, he would have to give up the body. But before that event, she made him take sannyasa. Thus nullifying the pre-ordained events.

So, again we see that astrology can predict events. But once we have the grace of the great saints, we need not worry.

If according to astrological predictions (according to your past actions), it is predicted that your leg will be cut off ; then if you depend on the grace of the Lord / if you take the name of the Lord faithfully, you will get bye by having a thorn prick your leg.

regarding Jesus Christ

I had read about a dream Swami Vivekananda had had somewhere near Cyprus which said that there were a group of people who lived there who propagated the teachings which are ascribed to Jesus of Nazareth. There was another website which I read which showed the inconsistencies in the Bible and was of the opinion that Jesus was not a historical person. From these two, my mind was more inclined to believe that there was a high chance that there was nobody called Jesus.

I raised this topic with Maharaj. He said the following.

He said that he believed in the fact that there was a historical personality called Jesus of Nazareth. He believed this because Ramakrishna had had a vision of Jesus. He also said that Swami Vivekananda too believed that historically, there was a person called Jesus whose teachings are in the Bible.

I mentioned to him about the discussions regarding Jesus having come to India and Tibet and being buried in Kashmir. He said that Swami Abhedananda also used to subscribe to this view point, but Swami Vivekananda did not think this was true.

2003 June

Sarika and the kids were in India. Before leaving for India, I went to the Math to have Maharaj's darshan. I went after the office, probably attended the Aarti, had dinner and then came back to Kawasaki.

During dinner, there was only Maharaj and me. We talked about a lot of things. Unfortunately, I do not remember most of them. I did not note them down in the succeeding days and am trying to recollect a few things after about two and a half months.

I was asking all kinds of questions, without reservations ; sometimes, in my enthusiasm, even without some deference and reverence ; and all the time, he was very kind and patient and generous and was trying to satisfy me with answers.

I asked him, is there really an Atman which persists from birth to birth, or just the way there is no individuality at the level of matter (the same atom which is part of my body will soon be part of somebody else's body), there is none at the level of Atman too? Because if there is not continuity of the individuality, then there is no concept of reincarnation. And then I asked questions about Advaita and the confusion I had regarding blending the percepts of Bhakti etc. with that of Advaita.

He answered me in various ways and then said that all of these confusions come to an end only after realization. I would nod vigourously, knowingly, and then would again jump into asking questions!

I also said that all this stuff about spiritual practises was a pain, why should I exert to free myself? He said that was the method and thinking of the Budhhists. The main reason for freeing yourself was to go beyond pain. Others have other reasons. Some have Love of God as the main reason!

2003 Aug

17 Aug Sun

It had been some time since we had met or talked to Maharaj. We had attended the previous month's gettogether, but wanted to talk with him regarding the Annual Spiritual Retreat at Mount Mitake. We wanted to attend but were not sure that children would be allowed.

Today we went to have Maharaj's darshan in the evening. We reached the Math at about 4:00 pm.

During Tea, Maharaj talked about various topics.

Arjun was not so interested in eating. Sarika said that I mentioned that probably Arjun was born in a royal household in the previous birth and had lots of people to serve him and feed him. So, he waits for his Papa to feed him. Maharaj said that probably he was Pavahari Baba in his previous birth! So, he does not need to eat. Also, he probably only accepts food so that Papa may have a chance to feed him.

Then Maharaj talked about the days when he was in the Training Center. One inmate did not like to drink milk, but he never objected to accepting milk. If we went to his room, there would be many containers (glasses) of milk which were some days old. There was another inmate who loved milk. He would take the old, fermented/curdled milk, boil it and drink it, saying, milk never becomes bad! And he never fell sick because of taking such milk.

Then there was a flood, sometime in 1978. Even in Belur Math, water rose to about a foot in the rooms of the inmates. Then, lots of inmates went for social service. Lots of Khichuri used to be prepared and taken in trucks to be served to people who were affected by the floods.

Maharaj said that Sanskrit had to be learnt. And another language - usually Hindi. Since Maharaj already knew Hindi (as he had done research work regarding Benaras, while staying in Benaras), he thought he would be exempt from learning another language. But the head did not agree. He asked Maharaj to learn another language instead. So, Maharaj learned some Malayalam! Sometimes, non-bengali people also learn Bengali.

He said that various kinds of training used to be given, apart from learning the scriptures. There was gardening, duty in the shrine, giving lectures, cleaning toilets, serving food in the dining hall etc. Gardening was more of taking out of weeds! Cleaning toilets would present a kind of mental barrier at first. Serving in the dining hall had its own amusements - some people wanted watery daal, others wanted thick daal! everybody wanted varying amounts of sabji! So, all these needed to be taken care of.

Then Maharaj said that he recently realised that he had picked up the habit of saying "yes, yes, yes" instead of a single "yes". He thought for some time about how he got this habit. He said that he was careful about what he spoke and how he spoke it - as that is the way people judge you. On thinking, he found that he had picked the habit from Ashish!

He also mentioned that on the 7th of September, there will be a get-together in the Math. There would be homage paid to Swami Sidhharthanandaji, who had passed away recently. Since lots of devotees in Japan knew him, the attendance would be about 50 people. Sarika will prepare Chhole (with potatoes and tomatoes) and some sweetdish (Halwa or Laddoos).

I gave Maharaj our mobile phone numbers, since he had asked for my mobile phone number earlier.

We started for our home at about 6pm. I felt purer, cleaner, energized. It was like taking a bath after a long time, or as the words of the song go - "sooraj ki garmi se ... miljaye taruvar ki chhaya!"

2003 Sep

7 Sep Sun

There was a get together in the math. This was for three purposes. First, it was to pay homage to Swami Siddharthananadaji who had passed away in August ; second, it was a preponement of the 3rd Sunday gettogether as Maharaj was leaving for his yearly trip to India ; and third, it was for celebrating Krishna Janmashtami.

Maharaj gave a brief account of his acquaintence with Swami Siddharthanandaji. He said that Siddharthanandaji was like a coconut - very hard or serious and aloof on the outside, but very sweet or approachable and loving on the inside. The first time Maharaj met him, he too was a bit afraid - thinking Siddharthanandaji is a very serious sadhu. But slowly, a sweet relationship developed between them.

Swami Siddharthanandaji was the first president of the Math in Japan. He worked very hard to learn Japanese and in the later days used to deliver lectures in Japanese. He had health problems (high blood pressure and kidney problems) due to which he had to return to India. His condition was getting worse and he was pleading to the authorities in Belur Math for sending a replacement. But Belur Math is always getting similar requests and is always short of people and so his requests were being ignored. Then he finally said that I am coming back to Calcutta and will accompany anybody who is appointed in my place back to Japan to have a smooth transfer. So, he came back.

During this time, Swami Medhasanandaji had been assigned to go to the Singapore Center. He had got his Passport and Visa etc. But due to the sudden requirement in Japan, Maharaj was asked to come to Japan. Swami Siddharthanandaji accompanied Maharaj to Japan and stayed with him for about three weeks. Maharaj said that their relationship had become so sweet that they used to tease each other also!

Maharaj goes to India every year and he used to make it a point to visit Swami Siddharthanandaji in Benaras on each of his visits and relate the latest developments in Japan. Swami Siddharthanandaji also used to wait for Maharaj's annual visits. He also used to send lots of Omiyage's for the devotees in Japan.

Maharaj said that he had heard from the Secretary Maharaj of the Benaras Ashram that Swami Siddharthanandaji had a very peaceful and desirable death. He said that all the Monks prepare themselves for the experience known as death. It is the gateway to eternal life. It is not considered as a negative experience but as a positive experience. Swami Siddharthanandaji was not feeling well and this information was conveyed to the Secretary Maharaj. He and some others rushed to Siddharthanandaji's room. Siddharthanandaji was on his bed. He was feeling a bit restless. He caught hold of everybody's hands as if to wish them farewell. Then all the present monks started chanting "Hari Om Ramakrishna". This is chanted whenever a monk is about to pass on to Eternal Life. Swami Siddharthanandaji's eyes became fixed at something and then he left the body.

Maharaj says that it is his belief, that his eyes were fixed on Thakur who had given him His darshan as he was leaving the body.

Then some devotees recounted their experiences with Swami Siddharthanandaji. One Indian Lady recounted this experience. Her brother had passed away. She had no peace of mind. So, she came to talk to Swami Siddharthanandaji. He talked with her asking for the reason of death and the type of medical care given. Then he asked her to sit in the shrine room for some time. She went and sat in the shrine room for about 30 minutes, and she felt peaceful. Then Swami Siddharthanandaji came and asked her if she wanted to sing songs of Tagore together. And they sang some songs. After this, she went home with a peaceful mind. Now, she remembers Siddharthanandaji's advice and sits in the shrine room whenever the mind does not have any peace.

After lunch, Maharaj gave a brief talk on Sri Krishna. This was followed by a Kirtan - Govinda Jay Jay - and then by Guided Meditation. We had stayed on for this program and for the Tea that followed. After Tea, we sat down in the dining room itself and had some talks with Maharaj. Shankar, Kunte's Mother, Sarika and I were present. Arjun and Radhika had gone to sleep. Maharaj was very simple and loving while we talked.

A few weeks earlier, Maharaj had asked me along with Shankar to look for another site for the yearly retreat. This was due to our suggestions at Mitake-san to go elsewhere next year. Shankar had suggested to me some place in Hakone. I raised this topic and Shankar explained it to Maharaj. Maharaj said that he would like to visit the place to take a look.

I asked Maharaj if it was possible to have more than one retreates every year. He said that it would be difficult. Mainly because there were not so many people to do so many jobs. The yearly calendar was pretty well laid out - with Swamiji's Birthday Celebration, and 2 special Akhand Japams at the Kyokai and 1 annual retreat. He said that Kanai-san has a full time job but still does a lot of work at the Kyokai. Whenever he has a few hours to spare, he comes to the Kyokai to do some work. Mo-kun will soon start staying at the Kyokai. He will be doing a part time job outside.

He said that about two years ago, the attendance for the monthly retreats was only 7-8 people. And now so many people come. He said that he had modified the program a bit. Earlier, Swami Siddharthanandaji used to give 2 lectures. Maharaj modified it to include a question and answer session. Now guided meditation also has been added. He also started giving initiation. This way, people become more regular. And they bring others too - family, friends. People from the same family sometimes come to maintain peace at home!

He said that usually in India, only the President Maharaj gives initiation. But in foreign centers, the Swami-in-Charge also gives initiation. This is mainly so that it is convenient for the devotees - so that they do not have to visit India. But it is Thakur alone who is the Guru.

Then Maharaj asked Sarika why she does not visit Belur Math. He said she should visit Belur Math for 3-4 days. [Next year, we can try to plan to go to India when Maharaj is at Belur and try to visit him there.]

Some topic was being discussed when Maharaj said that of all the organisations in India which were more than 100 years old, only the Ramakrishna Mission was prospering. The main reason was because of Thakur and Swamiji. He also said, that in the RKM, it is not people oriented, but principle oriented. Even after so many years, the only personalities which are worshipped are 3 - Thakur, Ma, Swamiji. He also said that this is a big achievement for an Indian organisation. Indians are famous for being good while working alone but are full of jealousy etc. when working in groups.

Maharaj will be going to India on 9th Sep, Tuesday. He will come back probably some time near 18th of Oct. On 24th Oct, Friday, 7-9pm, there is Kali Puja in the Math.

I asked Maharaj what time is his flight and how will he go to the airport. He said that flight is at 12 noon and whether I was offering to take him to the airport? I said yes, I could take him. But he declined saying that there was a direct train from Zushi to Narita. And that the times were more reliable in a train than in a car. He would leave the Math at about 7:00 am.

2003 Nov

16 Nov Sun

Swami Bhaskaranandaji from the U.S is here for a week.

Excerpts from the lecture by Swami Bhaskaranandaji on Daily Spiritual Practises :

If you think of the Lord for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening, that surely will have a nice effect on the mind. But what you think for the rest of the 20 hours will have more of an effect. So, it is important to take care of what you think for those 20 hours too.

The method is to spiritualize your work. Work for Thakur. If you are manufacturing something, do it in the best possible way, thinking that Thakur's children will use it. If you are preparing a report for your boss, think that you are doing the work for Thakur's pleasure and so do it to the best of our ability.

In a family too, all work should be done for Thakur. A husband should consider the wife and children as belonging to Thakur and serve them. A wife too should consider her husband as belonging to Thakur and serve him. Similarly children should serve their parents.

We need to practise goodness. Goodness is next only to godliness. What is goodness? Placing others before oneself. Sacrificing your pleasures for others. All problems come when selfishness comes. When the ego comes.

18 Nov Tue

Swami Bhaskaranandaji and Swami Medhasanandaji blessed us by a visit to our home today.

Since I heard that Swami B. would be visiting Tokyo, I was hoping that we would be fortunate to have his presence in our home. A few days before his visit, I talked with Swami M. on phone. I asked him if I could receive Swami B. at the airport and get him to the Kyokai by car, and he said that it was not necessary as he could come by train as train times are more reliable. Then I asked him if we could leave our car in the Kyokai for 1-2 weeks for the use of the Swami. He said it was ok and I could leave the car when we came on the 3rd Sunday meeting. Then I asked him if it was possible for the Swami B. and Swami M. to visit our home for dinner. He said it should be possible, but he will need to see with the other appointments. He said that when I came to the Kyokai, I should myself request Swami B. to come to our home.

At the kyokai, when I bowed down to Swami M., he said that first I should bow down to Swami B.

When I asked Swami B. to please come to our home for dinner, he said that whatever Swami M. thinks is ok. Then Swami M. said to me that it is ok. And asked me to fix a date and let him know.

On Nov 18th, I took a half day off from the office. I reached the kyokai at about 3:30 pm. We started from the kyokai at about 4:15 pm and came to our home via Umi no Hotaru.

Swami B. had chapaties. He said - I had chapatis today after a long time. So, I did not have rice. It reminded me of my child hood days. Also of my days when I was an adult, but younger.

Swami B. asked us whether we were disturbed by the noise of the train. I said that usually we do not hear it but we only are bothered by it when we watch TV. He said that that is the way it is. He too had to live near an airport. Initially when he went there, he thought that the sound would be a problem. But others told him that after a week, he would not hear the sound. And that is what happened. He would sleep comfortably without being bothered by the sound of the airoplanes but would wake up if somebody knocked on the door.

He said that our minds and bodies are wonderful instruments. They can get accustomed to nearly anything.

There was an exercise cycle in the room and Swami M. asked me if I exercised regularly.

I said, Maharaj if I exercised regularly, I would not have such a big waist. He said, it is good to exercise regularly. And that Swami B. also exercises regularly. About 40 minutes per day. Swami B. said, yes it is good to exercise regularly. This keeps the body fit. If the body lasts longer, it will be used some more for Thakur's work. Then he told us the following.

Once Swami Vireshwaranandaji was not well for 2-3 days. He was lying in bed. Then he felt better and sat at his desk to work. Another monk came to see Swamiji. He had heard that Swamiji was not well and so was surprised to see him work at his desk. He enquired about Swamiji's health. Swamiji said - "do you know how to know whether a monk is ill or not?". The monk thought that Swamiji had something in mind, and so asked him - "please tell me swamiji, how to know whether a monk is ill or not". Swamiji said - "If a monk has to lie in bed, he is ill. If he can sit in his bed, he is in good health".

I had the opportunity to see many past presidents at close quarters during my stay at the Belur Math. They did not do spectacular things, but by their day to day activities, they inspired everybody.

My days at Belur Math were the happiest days of my life.

As always, Maharaj thanked us for the dinner. I expressed my thanks for them for coming. Swami B. said that Maharaj had requested him to come to a devotee's home for dinner and he had agreed. He said that this is one of the activities of a Monk - to visit devotees. But when they come, they eat more than is necessary, which shortens the life.

But it is nice to come to devotees' homes. And to see the shrines. There are so few people who love God in this world. The people who do love God are the salt of the earth.

2003 Dec

18 Dec Thu

Talked with Maharaj on the phone about the Sunday Celebrations for Holy Mother's Birthday.

me : Maharaj, what should we prepare for Sunday?

Ma : Prepare yourself!

me : yes Maharaj.

Ma : Isn't it enough work?

me : yes Maharaj, more than enough work. It will take a long time.

Ma : Ok, .... (later talks about Sunday preparations ... he asked that Sarika should call him up later.)

21 Dec Sun

It was another happy day. Sarika and I got up early and prepared a sabji and a sweetdish to take to the Math for the Holy Mother's Birthday Celebrations.

In the lecture on the Holy Mother, Maharaj said the following :

If we read the Gospels of the Mother and Thakur, we see a difference. First, Thakur would always be in ecstasy and would always talk about the Lord. Mother on the other hand would never show any feelings of ecstasy and would be busy in household work. Second, Thakur would always give instructions about ways to reach God. Mother, would only give spiritual instructions when asked. Else, she would talk about day to day activities. If somebody came to meet her, she would ask about his problems and the wellbeing of his relatives. [The Zushi Math seems much more like the Mother's House. Maharaj also always enquires about all the relatives and health etc. And does not give spiritual instructions if not asked.]

If we forget all other teachings of hers, we should remember one teaching - that we have a mother who will look after us always. He said that initially, only two people realized the spiritual greatness of the Holy Mother - Swamiji and Nag Mahashaya. And slowly, other direct disciples also found out. Her spiritual greatness was such that is was impossible to acquire by mere spiritual practise or even instructions and help from a Guru such as Sri Ramakrishna. The reason for her spiritual greatness was her Divinity. She is the Divine Mother herself.

24 Dec Wed

It was Christmas Eve. Maharaj, out of his great compassion, called me in the office to remind me to come. In the evening, I went from the office and Sarika went from home with the children. We met at the Zushi station and went together to the Math.

We only attended part of the lecture and singing as the children were getting restless and I too was not feeling too well. So, we came down.

Maharaj was his usual cheerful self.

After supper, Mo-kun was taking "family photographs" of various families with Maharaj. Our turn also came. I was standing with a serious face and at once Maharaj said - "Ashish has a serious face". Hearing this, a broad smile came to me. In spite of his spiritual greatness, even at the "normal plane", he has a way of being very kind, considerate and approachable. Even for small daily activities, he is full of concentration, joy, consideration for others.

He remarked that Sarika was wearing gerua like him. Her dress was of the same color. Then he said with a twinkle in his eys, Ashish wanted to be a Sadhu but could not be. If Sarika becomes a Sadhu, will Ashish be able to manage the children?

He asked us to come on the 1st of January.

28 Dec Sun

Went to the Math to have Maharaj's Darshan in the evening. Wanted to go after lunch, but was not feeling too well and so left home at about 4:30.

Maharaj was having tea with another devotee (Matsumoto-san?). He asked Mo-kun to prepare tea for me too. He enquired about Arjun and Radhika, and had a laugh when I told him the following. Arjun and Radhika did not want me to come to the Math. Arjun asked me why I was going to the Math. I said that I am going because I like Maharaj. So, Arjun said, but I also like Maharaj!

After tea, there was the evening Aarti. After the Aarti, there was a short reading about Swami Saradanandaji's life, as it was his birthday. Then Maharaj asked me if we would come on the 1st. I said yes, and asked him what time we should come. He said we could have our lunch at the Kyokai and should come at about 11am. Then he asked me if I liked Avocados and asked Mo-kun to keep 2 apples and 2 avocados for me and for Matsumoto-san.

After this I did some japa and came back.

2004 Feb

1 Feb Sun

It had been a long time and I wanted to go and have Maharaj's darshan. The last time we had met him was on 18th Jan (3rd Sunday gettogether).

I called Maharaj in the morning and asked him if we could come in the evening for the Arati. He asked whether I alone will come or all will come. I said that I was not sure. He asked whether we would have dinner. I said that we would leave before dinner. He said that in that case we should have tea and should come by about 5pm.

We reached a few minutes before 5 pm. The children had gone to sleep in the car. Radhika woke up as we reached the Math. We made arrangements to have Arjun sleep on a makeshift bed and then had tea. Maharaj had not had tea. He too had tea with us. And Hari-san. And Mo-kun.

After tea, there was Arati. By this time Arjun had got up and so joined the Arati. I enjoyed the Arati but was a bit worried that Sarika and the kids were a bit bored. As there were no lights and other rituals and the singing was only by Suzuki-san, Maharaj, Mo-kun and me. After the Arati, Maharaj asked Sarika to read from the Gospel. Initially Sarika was hesitant, but she read well and Maharaj said so too.

After the Arati, I wanted to do some Japam, but Maharaj asked me to come to his room. He said that he was preparing a CD for Guided Meditation. It would mainly be in Japanese, but would have a small portion in English too. There would be Guided Meditation according to Bhakti Yoga and according to Jnana Yoga. He wanted to read out the Guided Meditation for Jnana Yoga to me and get my feedback.

I sat on the floor and closed my eyes and he read the script he had written. He also told me to note down anything I wanted to on a paper. As he read it, I felt very nice. And when it finished, I felt as if I had been deprived of something nice by it ending too soon!

I gave two comments. First, that he could define how to visualize the Atman (as a flame) in the initial portion rather than in the latter portion. Then, the fact that we were thinking of the Atman was somehow clashing with the idea that I am not the ego. My thinking was that the very idea of an Atman as a separate entity from the Universal Consciousness was an "ego" in some sense. He accepted the first idea and rejected the second idea. He said that the ego which needed to be rejected was the one which binds one to the body etc.

Then before I was to leave the room, I said to Maharaj that I had something to talk about. On getting permission to elaborate, I said that some months ago, I had asked him whether a rosary was required or not. And he had said that it depended on me. If I really wanted to have it, I could have it. And so at that time the matter had thus ended. Now, for some days, I had a feeling that I wanted to have a rosary.

Maharaj said ok. He would prepare a rosary for me. He asked me if I wanted a rosary of 54 beads or of 108 beads. I said 108 beads. He said ok.

Before we were about to leave, Maharaj asked me whether I would like to type the script for Guided Meditation (Jnana Yoga). I was very happy and said yes. He gave me the script.

5 Feb Thu

I called Maharaj from the office. I wanted to enquire whether there would be a lecture this Saturday in Shimbashi.

The previous night, I had sent him an email with an attachment of the typed version of "CD for Guided Meditation (Jnana Yoga)".

Maharaj said that he had received the mail. He said there were some corrections which he would tell me later. On my asking, he said that there would be a lecture on Saturday at 2pm. He also told me the address : Building #2, Shimbashi Eki-Mai, 9F. Then he said that he would tell me the corrections for what I had typed on Saturday itself.

He asked me how I felt about the subject matter while I was going through it again. I said that I was only typing it and so was not looking at it with that viewpoint. He asked me to go through it again at the time of Japam. To read is slowly and see what I felt about it.

He then mentioned the Embassy Talks. He said that they had been discontinued. But he would like to have 2-3 talks every year. He also wanted to change a few things. The time would be shifted from 5pm to 3pm. So, that people who sometimes missed because they had to attend parties etc. would not miss. Then, there would be a guided meditation session for about 20 minutes. People like something concrete, not only a lecture. Also a question and answer session.

A... was not showing too much interest. He would be quite late in arranging, informing people. So Maharaj wondered who could be involved in discussions and help in coordinating. He said that Yamada-san was very regular in attending those talks and she could be involved in the discussions. Also Amit. I mentioned L...-san. But Maharaj said that he was not very regular. Then Maharaj said that on the 15th (3rd Sunday Gettogether), Yamada-san would be attending. He asked me to ask Amit if he could attend. Then we could discuss this matter.

He asked me to discuss this with Sarika too.

7 Feb Sat

Attended the Saturday Lecture at Shimbashi. Sarika and the kids came along too. We were the only Indians in the audience. Maharaj lectures in English and it is translated into Japanese. As Maharaj is becoming more proficient and comfortable in Japanese, he adds more Japanese words even in the "English portion" of the lecture. For a non-japanese-literate person like me, it is more of a loss during the question and answer sessions, as mostly it is a Japanese person who will ask a question in Japanese, and Maharaj answers him in Japanese itself, without waiting for an English translation of the question.

Arjun slept most of the time. And Radhika did sleep for some time too, towards the end of the lecture, when Arjun had woken up.

Maharaj gave me the corrected version of the printout of the "CD for Guided Meditation (Jnana Yoga)".

While coming back, we had dinner at the Indian Restaurant at Shinagawa.

15 Feb Sun

It was the 3rd Sunday of the month and so we went to attend the gettogether at the Math. Sarika had talked to Maharaj the previous day to ask her what we should prepare and bring. He had told her to bring aloo matar gobhi.

The weather was very pleasant.

Maharaj gave a talk on Saints of India. The talk gave an overview of Saints of India and then focussed on Mira Bai. He said that just as the West produces scientists, East, more specifically India, produces Saints. The very environment in India is conducive to spiritual practises.

After lunch, Maharaj had a brief discussion regarding the Embassy Lectures in his room with with Yamada-san, Amit and me. As he had mentioned before, he said that he was planning to have 2-3 lectures per year, on Saturdays, starting from 3pm, for about 2 hours ; with half hour lecture, half hour question and answer session, half hour guided meditation and half hour for snacks etc.

He asked for our opinions. I asked whether it would be better to start from 2pm. Maharaj said that 3pm was better as it would be easier for him to reach the embassy after lunch ; the later time would be more conducive for guided meditation ; and people who had other appointments could carry on from the lecture, instead of having more free time between the lecture and dinner.

He said that if we have lectures twice a year, we could have them in the last week of April and the last week of November. And if we had them thrice a year, we could add another lecture in the last week of August. He also said that I should coordinate with Mr. Mahajan in the Indian Embassy and Amit and I should coordinate for advertisements for the lecture.

After this, there was to be no afternoon program, but a general body meeting of the Kyokai. I asked Maharaj whether I should attend the general body meeting of the Kyokai. He said that even though I gave regular donations to the Kyokai, I was not a member. It was a formality. A paper form needs to be filled up and 12000 yen need to be given. He asked me to fill up the form the next time I came to the Kyokai. And said that since I was not a member, I should not attend the meeting.

After taking leave of Maharaj, we went to the park near by where the kids enjoyed themselves. Amit and Sumit too came along we talked on various topics - less spiritual, more secular.

22 Feb Sun

It was Thakur's birthday. The public celebrations were scheduled for the 3rd Sunday of March.

It was also the day we were having Arjun and Radhika's birthday party. The previous night we had attended Harsh's birthday party and had come back very late. We had gone to sleep a little after 1 a.m.

I was desperately hoping to be able to have Maharaj's darshan on this auspicious day. First I planned to go early in the morning, but after talking with Sarika, thought it probably would be too taxing to have such a short night's rest as there was a long day ahead. And I had had insufficient sleep the previous night too.

So, was hoping to go in the evening. The other obstacle ... :-) ... was that we had to give the car in the evening before 6 p.m. for Shaken. So, after the party, the car had to be unloaded, had to be cleaned up and delivered for Shaken. So, it seemed I would most certainly miss the evening Aarti. Thinking of all these things, I was in two minds, whether to go or not to go.

Then I thought of going. Even if I met Maharaj for a few minutes, it would be worth it. And the time I spent in commuting would also be a good opportunity to keep my mind on spiritual things, after a hectic day in the company of lots of people. Another decisive factor was my getting the book by Christopher Isherwood - My Guru and His Disciple - from Sumit at the Party. I wanted to start reading it, and what better place than a train.

I reached the Math around 6:30pm. The arati was about to finish, but Maharaj was not there. He had gone to Tokyo for a meeting regarding the public celebration of Swamiji. I did some japam and waited in the common room on the 1st floor, reading the book.

Maharaj came at around 7:00 pm. He saw me and was very pleased. He said that he had called the previous evening twice - once at 7pm and again at 10pm. We had been out and hence had not been reached. He wanted to ask me to come for the morning worship today as it was Thakur's birthday. Shanti-san had also come.

He asked me whether I had had something to eat and whether I would have dinner. I said that I would have dinner at home and that I had not had anything to eat but it was ok. He said it was not ok. I was Thakur's guest today. And I should have dinner - I always have it at home, it should not be a problem to have dinner at the Math. I happily agreed. Then Maharaj went to his room to freshen up and maybe relax a bit.

When he came down for dinner, he was in a very jolly mood - he was telling me about the way people in Benaras speak when they have a paan in their mouths.

During dinner, he talked more with Mo-kun and Suzuki-san, telling them about the differences in fish in India and in Japan and about the vast variety in food habits in India. I surely would have liked to hear more about spiritual topics from him, but it was nice just to be with him.

He also talked about the food habits of the monks. Some are pure vegetarians - mostly from the South. So, the vegetarian food in the Maths are mostly South oriented - sambhar, rasam. He was aware of the fact that today there would be a big celebration in the Belur Math. He looked at the watch and said that now, there must be public discourses going on. He said that sometimes the monks from the nearby centers would come to the Belur Math and have food together.

I asked him how many monks were there in the Belur Math. He further clarified the question by asking me whether I wanted to include the Brahmacharins and/or the retired Monks. Then he said that there were about 150 monks and maybe about 200 monks if the retired monks are included. A thought came to comment to him that it would be practically dificult, confusing if one wanted to bow down before all the monks. But then I checked myself, thinking this is idle chatter. And that I would ask him this later when I will be visitng the Belur Math - how to bow down when a lot of monks are present.

Maharaj himself commented that he remembered that I had asked for a rosary. I had had a thought that he would give it to me on Thakur's birthday. Maybe he realised it and so commmented about it.

Before taking his leave, I asked him that the last time he had asked me to fill up the application form the next time I came to the Math. Should I do so now, or should I do it the next time I came? He said that it could be done the next time. The form was only available in Japanese. It was a long pending job. He would have it translated. I should remind him of this.

2004 Mar

6 Mar Sat

Another blessed day when we had the darshan of Maharaj. It was the first saturday of the month and so there was a lecture at Shimbashi.

We had lunch at Rajamahal Ginza and then went to attend the lecture. We had shifted to the new apartment in Fujimidai the previous weekend and this was the first time we were coming towards Ginza by car. Had to be alert all the way so as not to lose the way.

will fill in some details from the lecture later on ...

11 Mar Thu

The last few days have been very nice and peaceful. Am reading a small book on Swami Premananda by Swami Prabhavananda.

At about 9 pm, Maharaj called - "Yeh Guptaji ka makaan hai kya?" It took a few seconds to realise it was Maharaj calling. He was very amused and was full of joy. Tried to keep on talking in Hindi, though he was struggling for words most of the time. He said that since he does not get a chance to speak in Hindi, he is losing touch, and so he would talk more in Hindi with me.

He called to tell me about the rosary. That he had prepared it. And I could come, and when would it be convenient for me to come. He is amazingly polite. He would be going to the Kansai region on Saturday and would return on Tuesday. The next Sunday would be the public celebration of Thakur's birthday and hence would be crowded. So, he was wondering when it would be convenient for me to come. He asked if it would be ok to come on a weekday after office. I said it would be ok, and that I could leave office a bit early and try to reach the Math by about 6:30pm. He then said that that was probably not a good option as I would be tired. Then he asked if I could come on Saturday, the 20th, the day before Thakur's birthday celebrations. I said it was ok. And then I asked if it was ok for all of us to come and then the children and Sarika spend the night in Mother's house. He said it was possible. Then he again started to think what would be the best time for me to come.

He then said that if possible I could come on Saturday the 20th at about 11:00 am, and return home after lunch. Shanti-chan would be there for decorating with flowers, but that would not matter. So, this was decided.

He also said about the form for the membership of the kyokai. He had got it translated in English, and it was being printed.

12 Mar Fri

Maharaj called regarding my coming to the Math for the rosary. He asked if it was ok for me to come this Saturday - the 13th. I said it was ok. He then asked me to come sometimes before 10:30 am. He would have his lunch at 11:00 am and leave for his visit to Beppu.

He also had some more work for me. Some typing work and some paper filing work. These I could do after lunch.

After talking with Maharaj, I called Lonnie-san to ask him about the new train from Nerima to Zushi. He told me about the train. It is the Shinjuku Shonan Line. It starts from Ikebukuro and sometimes goes upto Zushi and sometimes upto Ofuna. The frequency is less and so he had the timings too. On weekends, the train is at 8:10 am and 8:37 am. From platform 1.

13 Mar Sat

Today I had to go to the Math. Maharaj had called to give me the rosary. Also, he had some work - typing and arranging papers in files.

I started from home at 7:40 am, was a bit late as had to catch the 8:10 train from Ikebukuro. Walked fast to Fujimidai, ran on the Ikebukuro station, and barely managed to catch the train.

Reached kyokai at about 9:30. Did japam in the shrine as could not meet Maharaj. After japam, met Maharaj. He was in a joyful mood. He asked me what I had had for breakfast. I said, Upma, cornflakes and milk. He asked if that was all and if I did not take any fruits. Then he told me about a Brahmachari in Belur Math who did not like Upma as it was salty. So, he would add sugar! He said Bengalis like sweets and like most of their food also sweet.

Then he asked me to go to the shrine room. He came after a few moments. He bowed sashtang to Thakur and I did the same. He then told me to sit on his right side. Then he took out the rosary from his pocket and said the following.

It has now been purified. By purification is meant that it was dipped in Ganga water, was offered to Thakur, and then japam was done on it with the Mantra that was given to me.

Maharaj then showed me how to hold it and how to perform japam. The "counter" bead is not used for japam. It is called the sakshi, or sometimes as Brahman. The hand has to be held in front of the chest. The fingers may or may not touch the chest. The alignment is with the center of the chest - the place of the "psychological" heart. After one round, the rosary has to be turned around. Initially, I may sometimes open the eyes while doing japam or turning the rosary around. Slowly I will get proficient at it.

The rosary needs to be touched to the head and to the heart before and after performing japam. Of course the fruits of the japam have to be offered to Thakur.

The rosary has to be kept in a proper way. Nobody apart from me should touch it. It should be kept in a bag so that others do not see it. I should not take it to the toilet etc.

While doing japam, the hand should be held high and should not droop so that the rosary does not sag down. Ideally the lower part of the rosary should be above the navel, but since this is a 108 bead rosary, it is long and will go a bit lower than the navel. The left hand's fingers should be together as had been told to me earlier.

Maharaj did japam loudly once on the rosary "Om Ramakrishna". Then he asked me to do japam once. I said my mantra was different. He said, yes. And that I should do my mantra silently, slowly.

Maharaj then asked me if I had any questions. I said I was thinking of a question but forgot about it. He said, it was ok, I could ask later.

Then he said that the rosary was made of Rudraksha. Sometimes they are made of Tulasi, but usually, Rudraksha rosaries are used. He got up and asking me to do some more, started to leave the room. Then he asked me whether I had Ganga water. I said that it had finished. He said that he would give me more.

I did two rounds of japam on the rosary. Compared to doing it on the fingers, it is both good and bad. Good as I do not know where in the round I am and that frees the mind of one distraction. Bad as, as of now, doing japam on the rosary is something new and so is itself a distraction. But this will surely go away.

After I had done some japam on the rosary, I went to Maharaj. He asked me to sit in his office. He then gave me a cloth for the rosary. He said that it was a bit big and that Sarika could sew a smaller bag. Could she? I said maybe not as she did not have a sewing machine. He just smiled and said ok, you can get one later.

Then we had lunch. It was a sumptuous lunch with about 8 dishes!

After lunch, Maharaj gave me some Ganga water. Then I went with another person to leave him at the Zushi Station as he had to go to Beppu.

While arranging papers, talked with Mo-kun.

He has done his graduation in German literature. He is about 30 years old. He had first read about Swamiji about 2 years ago. He is currently reading the Biography of Swami Vivekananda by his Eastern and Western Disciples. He thinks it is a lot like the Mahabharata. Lots of interesting, inspiring stories.

I asked him whether he was thinking of becoming a Monk. He said yes. He had not told anybody of his desire except Maharaj. And requested me not to tell anybody else. Maharaj had agreed.

I said that he would be the first Japanese Monk. He said that already 6 people had started and 3 of them had dropped out. There was a person who had started Brahmacharya about 2 years ago and I would have seen him. I was not sure but thought of the young, thin, small person who once chanted Shlokas with Maharaj and Hari-san during Swamiji's birthday celebration at Ikebukuro.

I was very happy to know that Mo-kun was becoming a Brahmachari.

I asked him more about Suzuki-san. He said that Suzuki-san is about 42 years old, has been with the Kyokai for about 15 years, and does not want to become a monk.

I then asked about Hari-san. He said that Hari-san is about 34 years old and he too does not want to become a monk.

Mo-kun asked me about my Japanese. I said that I had started lots of times and then had stopped. And wanted to start again. He said that he would help me learn and that whenever I came to the Kyokai, he would teach me for 1/2 hour to 1 hour.

Some visitor had come, Mo-kun ran down to welcome her. Later, Mo-kun said to me that it was time for his meditation and that after that, he would prepare tea. I said that I would be leaving in a few minutes and took leave of him.

21 Mar Sun

Today was the public celebration of Thakur's birthday. About a 100 devotees attended. We started at about 9:30am and reached a little after 11:00am.

I had a bad headache since the morning, probably due to tiredness and lack of sleep. The previous day, we had Ani and Kunte and Poorva's families and went to bed at 2:00am. Today we got up at 7:00am. So, I did not sit in the lecture. Did not enjoy the lunch too. Was thinking of going back after lunch.

Met Maharaj after lunch. He had been busy and so I had not had the time to bow down to him. So, I bowed down to him. He showed surprise as he thought we were leaving. Though we were planning to leave, this bowing was the "arrival" bowing! And so, I said to Maharaj that this is the arrival bow. He said with a smile, then it is ok. And so, our plans of leaving early were over.

There was a very nice music program of about 2 hours in the afternoon. Initially I had the headache, but by the end of the program, it had vanished. Sumit Mukhopadhyaya's father sang a few bhajans. He has a very nice voice.

Usually, Sarika's name is mentioned on the list of responsible persons for these gatherings. Today, my name was there too. I was very happy! And I showed some enthusiasm in serving during lunch and during tea!

Though Maharaj was very busy with so many people to play host to, he was in a relaxed and happy mood. And sometimes he would call me to do some work. Like, call this person. Or get some tables and put them here. Or pick up these mats. And I felt very happy that he was asking me to do these things.

During tea, Sarika was sitting with her head on her hand. We were on the second floor. Maharaj came. He said to Sarika that Thakur used to say that one should not sit like this. And Thakur also used to say that one should not drink water while standing up.

Before leaving, I went to return the book I had borrowed from Sumit - My Master and his Disciple - by Christopher Isherwood. He introduced me to his father and mother. They will be leaving for Canada tomorrow. I asked him to get them to our home the next time they came to Japan. He then said that he would be leaving Japan soon. He had got another assignment. I asked him whether it was the same company. He said no. I was a bit surprised about his somewhat secretive answers - non verbose responses. Then he said that he would be joining the Center in Toronto as a Brahmachari. It was such a pleasure to hear this.

He had been thinking along these lines since last summer. He had mentioned it to Maharaj. He wanted to join the Japan Center, by Maharaj was of the opinion that Japan would not be suitable for him. First Maharaj had tried to get him in the Center at San Francisco, but there would have been a long delay due to the visa/green card processing. And Maharaj was of the opinion that this step should be taken without a delay. Then Maharaj talked to the Swami at Toronto and he had accepted.

Sumit would be departing for Toronto on the 14th of April. I asked him to come to our home before that. He agreed.

His parents had agreed to this. The last time they had come to Japan, Maharaj had told his father in a forceful voice - Mr. Mukhopadhyaya, your son will become a Monk.

I was thinking that Sumit with his big build, will make a very impressive monk.

Before leaving, we took leave of Maharaj. The bell for the Arati was ringing. Sarika said to him that it had been a very long time since he had come to our home. He smiled. I said that it would be comfortable for him to come from the Shimbashi lecture. He said that he would talk about this later as he was getting late for the Arati.

While coming back, I was very happy, thinking of Sumit. I and Sarika talked a lot about this and related topics. I also told Sarika lots of incidents in various people's lives regarding renunciation.

Shankar's promising his mother that he would come back to meet her at the time of her death. Chaitanya requesting his mother for permission. Swami Premananda's mother being asked by Thakur for her son. And her saying that nobody gives her son without getting something in return. And then Thakur granting her wish of Moksha. I was surprised that Sarika asked - then what happened to her? I said, she surely would have got Moksha. She would not be born again. Also about Swami Saradananda and his brother. How Thakur liked his brother but did not want to pain his mother and so did not "pull" him. And Thakur's views of renunciation and his views regarding service to parents. About how he loved his mother. And how he would tell Hazra Mahashay to go back and serve his mother.

And how he said that if you cheat your parents, you can never advance in spiritual life.

30 Mar Tue

Today is Ram Navami.

It was an auspicious day and I also had some long pending typing work which I had to submit to Maharaj and so I wanted to have his Darshan. I called him at about 11:15 am from the office.

He showed happiness at getting a call from me. He said that he was thinking of me as he had some urgent typing work. I asked if I could come today. He said in jest - not could, but that I was required to come!

Then he asked me whether I was doing japam on my rosary regularly? I was a bit embarrased and told him that I was not regular but was doing it sometimes. He said that with a rosary we have to be careful. Japam needs to be done regularly. That is why, it is not given to everybody. In Bengali, there is a saying that the rosary should not be kept hungary. So, I should atleast do one round of 108 in the morning and one round in the evening. This minimum has to be done. More can be done at other times.

Then he asked whether I wanted to ask any thing else. I asked him what time the evening arati starts. He said 6:00 pm. I said that I would try to come before that. He asked me to have dinner. I agreed happily.

I started from the office at 4:15 pm and reached kyokai at about 5:55 pm. On the way I bought some fruits.

Mo-kun was in the visitor's room. After the exchange of pleasanteries, he enquired whether the fruits were for offering. I said yes. He then asked me to put them for offering as the Arati was to start at 6:00 pm. I said I did not know how to do that. He said he will show me.

He got a small bottle of Ganga water from the Shrine Room. Took out a few drops and put them in his mouth and over his head. Then he took a plate, washed it in water and dried it. Then he took out the fruits from the wrappings and washed them in water. Then he placed them in the plate and asked me to put them in the shrine. (I think he forgot to put a few drops of ganga water on the fruits).

Maharaj was already in the Shrine Room. I bowed to Thakur, Ma, Swamiji, Ramji and then Maharaj. Maharaj asked me if I had come directly from the office. When I said yes, he asked whether I had had something to eat. I said that I had had tea at about 3:30 pm and that nothing else was required now. He said ok. Then he got up and went downstairs. I thought he was going to arrange for some snacks and so followed him to request him not to do so. I reached downstairs and said that snacks were not required. He said it was ok, and that he had come to switch on the gas (or something else).

While walking up the stairs, Maharaj asked me whether I knew that today was Ram Navami? I said yes Maharaj. He asked how? And then asked from the calendar? I said yes Maharaj.

Then there was Arati. After the daily bhajans, the concluding part of the Ram Naam was sung. After this Maharaj told me - sit here for as much time as you can, and then I will tell you about the typing work at 7:30. I sat and did japam. I felt very fortunate. How many people have the good fortune to do japam in a temple together with their Guru?

I got up at about 7:20 and came down. I scanned the books in the bookshop, waiting for Maharaj to call. He called at about 7:45. He said he was sorry he was late! He is so amazingly polite and humble.

He then showed me what was to be typed. It was an abstract of a lecture he had to give at Hiroshima. He then read the abstract so that it would be easy for me to type. He asked me to give it as soon as possible as the last date was March 31st, but it was ok to be late by a few days. (He later said that the lecture was in August). I said I would try to type it by tomorrow evening. He said it was ok. I asked him if it would be convenient to send him a printout by post. He said email would be better as it would be faster. He told me to make photocopies and keep them with him for reference.

Then the dinner bell rang and Maharaj joked that it was Krishna's flute. Maharaj went to close the shrine. I went to make photocopies.

During dinner, Maharaj was in a jolly mood and talked of various things.

He said that a girl had come today from Ikebukuro. She was a university student, had been doing some social service with the homeless people, and now wanted to become a Nun. Maharaj asked her to wait for some time. She would be coming for the Shimbashi lecture.

I request Maharaj to please come to our home on Saturday. Maharaj said something in Japanese with a smile and asked me whether I knew what it meant. I did not know but in jest said - it means, I will come. Mo-kun had a hearty laugh. Maharaj said, Mo-kun is laughing a lot. It means, I will think about it. Sarika would have understood.

Then Maharaj said that on Thakur's birthday, there were a record number of devotees. I asked how many, and he said, 110. I said we should have a bigger kyokai as the number of devotees was increasing. He said yes. He said that he had once thought of selling the land of Kyokai and the Mother's House and buying land in some cheaper place. In Chiba. In Japan, the building cost is negligible as compared to the land cost. He said that then he had decided against this idea due to the following reasons. Some devotees live near by, and if we moved to Chiba, they probably would stop coming. This place has a good association with Kamakura.

I said, Maharaj is it possible to buy the house opposite the kyokai? He said that earlier, they were willing to sell it.

2004 Apr

3 Apr Sat

Today there was a lecture in Shimbashi. After that, Maharaj had kindly agreed to come to our home for dinner. Columbo-san, Mo-kun and Suzuki-san also came with Maharaj.

This was the first time Maharaj was coming to the house in Fujimidai. He said that the environment in Fujimidai was very nice. He even asked why don't we buy this house. He said that he was a bit worried when I had informed him that Fujimidai was near Ikebukuro, as the environment near Ikebukuro is not nice.

Since Maharaj was to come, I had gone alone to attend the lecture. Sarika and the kids had stayed behind. During the day, Sarika dropped a bowl and badly cut her finger. So, I helped her in the cooking and so was delayed in reaching Shimbashi. I was just hoping that I reach before the lecture is finished. Maharaj joked that they were worried at not seeing the host!

We all came back by car, except for Suzuki-san. Suzuki-san had to do some shopping in an electronic shop in Ikebukuro and so went by train. After reaching home, I went to pick him up from the station.

After dinner, I requested and tried to insist many times that I take everybody to the kyokai by car, but Maharaj did not budge. He said that they would go by train.

The joyful day was only marred by the thought that Maharaj would reach kyokai so late.

18 Apr Sun

Today was the monthly retreat at Zushi. We started at home at about 9:15 am and reached the Math at about 10:55.

The lecture was on "The Eternal Now". It was a very inspiring lecture. I had not taken a pen and so could not make notes. I hope Suzuki-san puts up the lecture on the website soon.

In the lecture, Maharaj said :

We spend lots of time - brooding about the past, planning about the future and in useless imaginations. We should learn to focus our total attention on the task at hand. If we spend our day like that, then only will we be able to meditate correctly. And living a life of total absorption in the present moment is the only way to be peaceful, harmonious and spiritual.

I was sitting in the front row and so felt even better hearing the lecture from so close.

During the lecture and even during lunch, Maharaj was in a very jolly mood. He was telling some devotees about Sumit, that he had reached Canada. Sumit had informed Maharaj via email. Arjun was also asking me where the Uncle who wears blue clothes and is a teacher is? I told Maharaj that Arjun was asking about Sumit. Then Maharaj told Arjun that he had become a Maharaj like me. Radhika thought this was a joke and said - Nahiii. Then Maharaj said that Sumit had the blessings of his parents. And then - I wonder will Arjun have his father's and mother's blessing when he becomes a Monk? I said that I would be very happy. Maharaj said that you would be happy as the unfulfilled desire of the father would be fulfilled through the son.

I said to Maharaj that it took us only about 1:30 hours to reach the Kyokai and that the next time he should come by car from our home. He said that he would agree if I would agree to spend the night at the Kyokai, and then go back the next morning after the puja and breakfast. Sarika said that this is what we had thought of the last time too. Maharaj said that I could bring Arjun and Radhika alternately with me. And sometimes all of us could come too.

Maharaj said that this way, you can come and spend a night every month. And I said yes Maharaj very enthusistically. Maharaj pointed out with a laugh how enthusiastically I had said yes Maharaj!

Maharaj also asked Sarika whether she had told me about what they discussed. Then Sarika said yes and reminded me of Maharaj's suggestion that we do not make the children so dependent on Vitamin C at such a young age. I was my enthusiastic self in defence of Vitamin C! Maharaj said with a smile to be less dogmatic about it and to consider all angles.

Maharaj said that we could have an Embassy Talk in May, on the 29th. I should contact him to confirm this in early May. He also informed all that there would be an Akhand Japam on May 23rd, Sunday.

There was a person from India who had come for the first time - Mani. He had taken Initiation from the President Maharaj this year in Bangalore. He has come on a 4 month assignment with Infosys. He asked me what the procedures were in this center - membership fees, lecture attendance etc. I explained a few things to him and took his email address. I said I would write a mail to him and so he would get my email address too.

A mild headache had started during Maharaj's lecture and it became a bit uncomfortable in the afternoon when we went with the children to the park. I thought it would be tough to sit through the afternoon session which included a Q&A session and Guided Meditation.

So, we took leave of Maharaj and came back.

While coming back, I was thinking that the stay with Maharaj had been so short, and I would have to wait for so many days before I could have his Darshan again.

19 Apr Mon

Maharaj called at the office at about 1:20 pm.

He enquired if it was ok to talk now and then proceeded.

Maharaj asked about how much time it took us to reach home. When I mentioned that we took a wrong expressway and there was a traffic jam and so took about 2:30 to reach home, he joked that it would be easier to lose our way at night and there was a possibility that if Maharaj came from our home to Kyokai at night in a car, we would only reach in the morning.

Then he said that Mo-kun had told him about the potency of Vitamin C. And that he was mistaken. He was so apologetic that he had told me the wrong potency. And he also apologized for Mo-kun's mistake saying that he is just a boy who sometimes does not pay full attention. I of course was very embarrased that Maharaj was being apologetic about such a trivial matter.

Then Maharaj talked about the Jnana Yoga Meditation CD typing work. The final draft was ready and he asked if I could type it. I happily agreed. He was worried that it was not very easy to type as it is Japanese written in Romaji. I said that it would be ok. He then asked how to send it to me and then he said that he could send it by fax. I gave Maharaj my fax number.

Then Maharaj asked me about yesterday's lecture. He said would it be nice to put it up on the web site? I was very happy to hear this and said that it was a very inspiring lecture and it will be very nice to put it up on the web site. He said that he would ask Suzuki-san to send me the lecture. And that it was not urgent.

He then said that there was one more thing. He said that he was very lazy when it came to correcting his lecures. And said with a laugh that he did not want to read his own lecture again. I said that we could request Lonnie-san to edit the lecture. He said that Lonnie-san was very busy now-a-days. And said that I could edit it first and then send it to Lonnie-san for the final editing. I agreed happily.

He gave me some pointers regarding editing. We could avoid repetitions. But should keep the summing up parts. We could remove the personal questions asked during the lecture. And we could reconstruct some sentences which were ok for hearing but would be a bit awkward when written down.

It was very nice to be able to talk with Maharaj.

2004 May

1 May Sat

Today there was the monthly Shimbashi lecture. This month it was in Yamada-san's home in Asakusa. We all went. It was a very nice lecture on the description of Jnana Yoga in the Bhagvadgita.

As usual, Maharaj was in a very nice mood.

He read a shloka which said that we need to realize that everything we do, even the blinking of the eyelids is done by the gunas of Prakriti. And we as the Atman are independent of that. This had a nice effect for some hours on me.

Maharaj said that he will have the Indian Embassy lecture this month on the 29th from 3pm to 5pm. Before that he will attend a meeting of Swamiji's birthday celebrations. And after that, he will go to some place, maybe Shin-Osaka.

4 May Tue

It is in the middle of the Golden Week. And it is the thrice blessed day of Buddha Purnima. We went to have Maharaj's darshan. We reached at about 5 pm. Maharaj had gone to purchase some plants etc. for the garden and came back about 5 minutes after we had reached.

Then he got busy in the preparation for Tea. He prepared Muri. There was another Marathi lady called Seema. Her two daughters and Mother had been staying at the Math for a few days. She prepared Suji ka halwa for Tea.

As usual, Maharaj was in a jolly mood. He talked about various things.

After the Aarati, he asked the children to sit next to him and did some kirtan. First the chanting of Buddham Sharanam Gachhami etc. And then Govind Jaya, Jaya, Gopal Jaya, Jaya.

14 May Fri

Sarika had called up Maharaj at about 11:00 am to ask him what she should prepare for the monthly retreat. Shortly after that, Maharaj called me up. He wanted me to do some typing work. He had written an essay on the Holy Mother which he wanted me to type. It would be translated in Japanese and then put in a magazine. Maybe the magazine which will be issued during the celebrations in June.

He asked if I could type the contents and bring them for the monthly retreat. I was very happy to be able to do this simple service.

He also asked me to go through the fax which he would send me and call him at 9:00 pm at night to clarify any points which I may not have understood.

I called Maharaj at about 9:00 pm. I had only one confusion which I asked him. He also told me of some other corrections he had made.

Then I asked him permission to ask a question. On his approval, I asked whether it was ok to pray to the Holy Mother, since I was already doing Japam to Thakur. He laughed. And then said, these two acts were not contradictory. I could do both. And that the Holy Mother and Thakur were not separate.

Then I asked whether it was ok to imagine the form of the Holy Mother while repeating the Mantram. To this he said that it was better to imagine Thakur's form.

16 May Sun

Today was the monthly retreat. It was also the celebration day for Lord Buddha's birthday.

The previous night, we had been to Costco and then to Shreenivas Kunte's home. We had only been able to sleep after 1 am at night. So, we were delayed a bit in starting for the Kyokai. We got up at about 7 am and left for the Kyokai at about 10 am. We reached at about 11:15 am.

The lecture had not started. We sat for the chanting of Buddham Sharanam Gachhami etc. The lecture was to be given by Prof. Valiath. I did not feel like sitting for the lecture. And some typing work too was remaining. So, I came down to finish the typing work.

Before the seating for lunch, we met Maharaj. He as always expressed joy on seeing us. He was thinking that we had not come. He cracked jokes about Gupta ji gupt ho gaye! It was so nice to see him in his usual jolly mood.

After lunch, we sat for some time during the question and answer session, but then came down as the Guided Meditation was beeing recorded. Maharaj had also asked me not to be present during the Guided Meditation as it was being recorded, and the children would probably make some noise if they were sitting there.

After tea, I submitted the form for membership to the Kyokai to Maharaj.

We took leave of Maharaj and came back full of joy and satisfaction in our hearts.

need to ascertain date and write about meeting maharaj on day for

akhand japam

indian embassy lecture in may

2004 June

12 June Sat

Tomorrow is the Annual public celebration in Ikebukuro. Maharaj had asked me to come on this Saturday to help in the last minute work. I went alone. Sarika and the kids went with another family to an Amusement Park in Toshimaen.

I reached the Kyokai at about 11 am. Maharaj was in the visitor's room with Columbo-san and Mani. He was happy to see me and said that they were waiting for my arrival to start the work. He was only wearing a vest on the upper body and it was very nice to see him dressed in this informal manner. He was his jolly self.

Columbo-san had come from the Phillipines for the celebration. Mani is a young person from Coimbatore who has come for a few months on a software assignment. He is very gentle and appears to be very simple. Apart from these two, Hari-san had also come. It was very nice to see him after such a long time. Mr. Tushar Basu had also come. He prepared the lunch and dinner.

The first job for us was to put the fliers into the booklet which is distributed to all. Maharaj also joined us in the end, saying that he had come when the easy part was remaining.

Then we all had lunch. It was a delicious lunch prepared by Mr. Tushar Basu. Maharaj was encouraging us to praise the cooking so that he would prepare dinner too! During and after lunch, we talked about lots of things. We probably started lunch at about 12:30 and finished about 3:00 pm.

I asked him if it was possible to raise a child to be a monk. He said no. He said it also depends on the samskaras acquired from the previous births.

I asked him if it was possible for an institution to exist all of whose inmates could turn out to be monks. Again he said no. He said, how would we decide which students to accept in such an institution? He said that even Thakur, who said that he could see a person's mind as one sees inside a glass window, would make a mistake sometimes in judging people. He related the story of the vaishnava lady who was devoted to Thakur but stopped coming when she saw him accept Ma Kali's non vegetarian prasad. And Thakur remarked that he was taken by surprise by her behaviour and it was so difficult to judge people! So, how could we judge a student regarding his fitness for sannyas before accepting him? He joked that then Thakur would have to be on the interview board. And even his judgements would be doubtful! He also said that Swamiji too could read a person's mind. But he too said that he could not judge people like Thakur and so was generous in his leanings towards letting people of doubtful fitness enter the monastery. And he would sometimes read the mind before giving initiation, but would politely seek the permission of the candidate before reading his mind. But on the whole, he was against the use of such occult powers.

I was very sad on hearing that both of these things could not be done. I persisted with other related questions.

I remarked that for children with good tendencies, the period between ages ten to twenty was very critical. And if they were exposed to bad influences, it would be difficult for them to purify their minds when they were older. And so, such an institution is required.

Maharaj said that who would decide that the child be put in such an institution? The father or the child himself? The child was too immature in the spiritual sense to take such decisions. And the father should not be making such spiritual decisions for the son. Such decisions have to originate in the aspirant himself. And we already have institutions for aspirants who are mature enough to take such decisions.

I said that I had read a story about a father taking his child to the forests to avoid him getting corrupted by bad influences. I asked Maharaj if he remembered reading such a story. He said he did not remember. Then he said that our organisation is different. We have to deal with the public. Such taking to the forest can be fine for another organisation. But if you need to deal with the public, you will be exposed to all kinds of influences. So, you cannot run away from them. You need to be strong to be able to deal with them.

He then said, how long can a father protect his son? sooner or later, the son has to think on his own. And to become strong on his own.

This last statement seemed to settle things for me. I was hoping somehow to make a road for my children. But that cannot be. Each one has to make himself strong and wise and to tread on the road that life prepares for him.

He said that parents should expose the children to spiritual ideas and that is the best they can do. He related the following story. There was a queen who was very spiritual. She wanted all her children to be spiritual. So, as she rocked their cradle, she would sing to them that they are infinite, ever pure, ever free, the atman. As each prince would grow older, he would renounce the world. This made the King sad as he wanted at least one prince to stay on and continue his lineage after him. The queen agreed and for one prince, she did not follow this routine. When the prince grew up, the queen gave him a piece of paper with the instructions that he was not to read it until he had had a son. After the prince got married and had a son, he opened the paper which his mother had given to him. It had the same spritual instructions which she had given her other sons - that you are ever pure and free and the infinite atman and the purpose of life is to realise this. The prince at once understood and gave up his family and went to the forests.

I asked Maharaj about the following. I usually use the Aratrik bhajans for getting Arjun and Radhika to sleep. Is it ok to use these bhajans in this manner? I have a doubt because it may make the children drowsy when they listen to these bhajans in the shrine. Maharaj said it was ok.

Maharaj informed others about Sumit Mukhopadhyaya's joining the Math in Toronto. He also said that Sumit' mother was very happy with the decision but his father was not so happy initially. Later he too gave Sumit his blessings. He related how he had told Sumit's father that the RKMission had given a lot to their family as six or seven members of their family had studied in RKMission schools. What had he given in return? And this had made Sumit's father thoughtful. Later he had asked him for his son. At this Sumit's father was very perturbed. Mr. Tushar Basu mentioned that his wife was telling him later that Maharaj has taken their son!

Maharaj told us about a young boy who had come to Japan as a software engineer some 4-5 years ago. He was a very nice boy. And Maharaj thought he was fit to join the order. So, Maharaj said to him, why don't you become part of the inner circle? The boy did not say anything. But when he returned to India, he joined the Math. And after some months Maharaj got a mail from him saying that he had joined the inner circle. And this was underlined to emphasize the point. Maharaj had a good laugh.

Maharaj then asked Mani when he would be joininig the inner circle. This probably took Mani off guard. Then Maharaj asked his age and said there was not too much time left. Mani said he had some time and said the exact number of years left. This brought a twinkle to Maharaj's eyes. He said - see, he is keeping track of these things.

Later in the afternoon, we were putting price bar codes on the photographs to be sold. Columbo-san, Mani and myself. We were talking about various things.

Columbo-san told us about his brother. He is a bit younger than Columbo-san. It is he who was the first person in the family to be attracted by Vedanta. And he introduced Columbo-san to Vedanta. Columbo-san's brother came across a person in a train. He had twice joined and left a Vedanta Society in America. And was now independently practising and guiding a group of people. Columbo-san's brother went to stay with this group for some time. Columbo-san did not like the idea and went and had long discussions with the leader of the group. Slowly he started liking Vedanta. There is no Math in Italy. Columbo-san would visit the Math in France sometimes. It was a long drive. Columbo-san said that he got a major impetus after coming in contact with Maharaj. He said that Sumit also had said the same thing. He was aware of Vedanta since a long time and had been initiated at an early age, but had got an impetus after coming in contact with Maharaj.

I related my stories about getting to know Ramakrishna and how I had once gone to the Math in Delhi to join as I was angry with my father. And how arrogant I was then. Even while talking with the Secretary Maharaj.

Then Mani told us more about himself. He said that he had decided to join the Order a few months ago, just before coming to Japan. He had informed the Math that he would be joining on a Saturday, resigned from his company and informed his parents. But just a day or two before the joining date, some friends of his talked him out of it. I was pleasantly surprised to hear about his inclinations of becoming a sadhu.

Later on Maharaj came and sat with us. I told him what Mani had told us. Maharaj too seemed to be happy to know about it. But he was prodding Mani. He said that it seems Mani's friends will be responsible for Mani's future. And why should anybody make a decision either to join the Math or not to join the Math based on what such friends say? The decision has to come from within.

Maharaj said that he would be going to some cities in America and to Toronto for a month in September. I told him that he would meet my friend Sunit also as he comes regularly to the Math. Maharaj said a very nice thing - Ashish's friend is our friend. We will meet him. He then asked me if I wanted to come for a week with him to Toronto. I was so happy to get this offer. But sad that it is not easy to accept. Sarika and the children will be here and it will not be nice to leave them here and go with Maharaj. If they were in India, I surely could have gone with Maharaj. I explained this to him and he agreed. This year, he will not be going to India.

I told him our plan for India. He said that when Sarika was in India, I could spend the weekends in the Math. I happily told him that I too was planning on that and had told Sarika about it. He asked me what her reaction was. I said that she did not say anything.

I told Maharaj that I had received a mail from Sumit. He expressed his happiness and asked me what Sumit had written. I was a bit embarassed as I could not recall all the points. And said so. He asked me to tell him whatever I remembered. I mumbled out a few things.

I asked Maharaj how I should address Sumit now, since he was a Brahmachari. Maharaj said that this point came up in such instances. When Maharaj too became a Brahmachari, the question was, what would his old non-monk professors call him. And what would his friends call him. There is no hard and fast rule. Some people add Maharaj to the name. Others do not. But usually people start appending Maharaj.

After some time, the large photographs of Mother and Swamiji had to be wrapped. Initially Columbo-san, Mani and I went to help Kanai-san, Mo-kun and another lady devotee in the wrapping. Then, seeing that there are lots of people involved in the process, I came back and carried on with the putting of bar codes on the photographs. Maharaj came. He saw me doing that work and remarked - Ashish likes to do this kind of work, typing etc. I said Maharaj, the other kind of work involving manual labour and using up more calories will be better for me. As I will spend calories. Maharaj rejoined with - it will be good for you, but maybe not good for the work! And he had a hearty laugh. Then he asked me to tell this joke to Sarika too.

In the evening at about 5 pm, I took leave of Maharaj. I also asked Mani if he wanted to go home now and if I could drop him off at the station. He agreed. On the way, I tried to tell him how unsatisfying a life is in the corporate environment. And that the life of a Sadhu is so blessed.

13 June Sun

Today was the annual public celebration in Ikebukuro. The celebration was to start at 1 or 2 pm but Maharaj had asked me to come at about 10 or 11 am. I was to stand on the English Books Stall with Columbo-san.

As usual, Maharaj was very peaceful during the preparation, execution and wrapup of the function. He asked Radhika to pesent boquet of flowers to some people (maybe the people involved in the preparation of the Guided Meditation CD in Japanese - Dhyanam).

Later he was joking that Arjun will be sad that I was not called for presenting the flowers. But this is the previlege of girls. Anyway, Arjun can be happy that he is the "dost" of the President of the Vedanta Kyokai. And Maharaj, as always, laughed out loudly after cracking the joke.

Since Columbo-san and I were to stand together, we talked about various things. About Vedanta and about his company in Ceibu.

His brother too is not married. They are about 55 years of age, his brother a few years younger than him. His brother has been doing business in the Phillipines for over two decades. A few years ago, Columbo-san's company wanted him to go back to some country in Europe. Columbo-san was more interested in continuing in Japan. Then there was a business opportunity with his brother. So, his brother invited him. He and his brother bought some stake in a company and now are working together. They hold 50% of the stake and another rich person in Italy holds the other 50%. Columbo-san is looking after the branch in Ceibu and his brother is looking after the branch in Manila.

They both want to have a Vedanta Society in the Phillipines. Columbo-san tries to visit Maharaj 3-4 times every year. Once when they had decided to try to have a Vedanta Society in the Phillipines, Columbo-san came to Maharaj thinking of suggesting this. Before he could do so, Maharaj himself made this suggestion. So, now they are in the process of registering it. Maharaj will be the guiding Monk. Once it is setup and there is a reasonable membership, then it may be affiliated with the Ramakrishna Mission and a permanent Monk may be assigned. Maharaj said that this is the way to go about it.

The guided meditation CD in Japanese - Dhyanam - was released. Maharaj presented a copy to me. I had already purchased a copy. I told Maharaj so. He said that still since he was presenting me with a CD, I should take it. I was very happy.

After the function was over, about 25 people who were involved in the preparations went with Maharaj to a restaurant to have dinner. The dinner was sponsored by Columbo-san. During the dinner, there was some confusion about the number of people who are attending and the number of chairs. As always, Hari-san got up and after talking with the waiter, got the matter cleared up. After dinner, I asked Hari-san whether he was well and that we had not seen him in the Kyokai for the last few months. He told us that he had had some problems in his shoulders and hands and it was difficult for him to raise his hands above his shoulders. But now he was better.

We took leave of Maharaj at about 9 pm, when he departed in a car for Zushi.

26 June Sat

Out of his selfless love and infinite grace, Maharaj called at about 11 am.

I had wanted to have his Darshan on the previous weekend also, but somehow did not go.

Maharaj called to inform that he had received and read the articles I had sent on Vitamin C. He said that he did not understand all of the technical details in the articles. But he had increased his intake of Vitamin C from a bit less than 1 gram to a bit more than 1 gram.

He then asked me when I would be coming. I was so happy to hear him ask. I asked him if it would be ok to come on Sunday afternoon. He said that the Pan family would also come. He asked whether Sarika and the kids would come too. I was not sure. He asked me to inform him later.

I called at about 9:30 pm to inform Maharaj that Sarika and the kids would also come. He said that we could come at about 5 pm.

I asked him if we could prepare something for dinner. He said yes. I asked him if it would be better if we prepared at home or if we prepared at the Kyokai. He said it was better to prepare at home as then Sarika would have more time at the Kyokai.

27 June Sun

We started from home at about 3:25 pm and reached the Kyokai at about 5:10 pm.

Maharaj came out and asked us to re-park the car so that it would be easy for the neighbours to park their car. But with Sanjay Pan's car in front of ours, it was not possible to park two cars and still have the neighbours to park their car. So, it was left at that.

Maharaj called for Arjun and said he had some work for him. He then took us all to the vegetable garden. There he asked Arjun to cut one hari mirchi, one shimla mirch and one kheera. Then he broke one more shimla mirch himself and gave all of these to us to carry back home.

We were a bit late in coming having come after 5 pm. We thought it would not matter as Maharaj surely would have had his Tea. But Maharaj and the Pan family were waiting for us for Tea. It was a time of joy and so I did not feel embarassed.

During Tea, Maharaj talked about how the decline of a great nation - America - has started. And that he believes that the next century will be the century for China and India. And how Swamiji had predicted that India will rise. And that this time the rise will make India greater than it has ever been before.

He said that now, in India, the interest in the USA is declining. Earlier, if somebody returned from the US, everybody would be interested in hearing from him. But now, so many people have been to the US, and people have come to know so much about the US from books and magazines etc., that no too much interest is there.

On the other hand, there still is some interest in Japan. People do not know so much and so are still curious. When Maharaj visits America, he is always asked to give a talk on Japan ; of course it is on the Vedanta Movement in Japan, but people want to know more about Japan. Maharaj tries to bring out the good points about Japan. Every country has both good points and bad points, and it does not serve any purpose to dwell on the bad points, so Maharaj brings out the good points.

Once when Maharaj was giving a lecture about India in Osaka, about 5-6 years ago, a person asked a question about poverty in India. He was implying that religion is the reason for the poverty in India. Maharaj replied to him that every country has its problems. We should look at the good points in the country not the bad ones. How would he feel if a visitor to Japan would concentrate more on the homeless people in Japan instead of the other good points? And as far as religion and poverty are concerned, religion is not directly responsible for the poverty. Our religion prescribes the four aims of life - dharma, artha, kama and moksha. If somebody blames religion for the poverty, he is not interpreting the religion correctly. Swamiji had said that the only bad point in an institution of monks is that it deprives the country of the best people for other jobs. Of course the monks serve the country in a spiritual way.

Maharaj also related an incident when a lady called the kyokai as she wanted information on Dogs of India! Maharaj replied that he could tell about Gods of India, but for information about Dogs, she would have to look elsewhere. And then he had a hearty laugh.

During the evening Arati, after the regular bhajans, he asked us to call the children, who had got distracted and gone down to play when the regular bhajans were being sung, and then sang a bhajan (I forget which one) which had a lighter tune and beat. Arjun and Radhika held one kartal each and played it against the other hand. I sat with them to help them with the beat.

Dinner was as usual sumptuous. Suzuki-san was on a 10 day vacation and Maharaj and Mo-kun were preparing their own food. Dal and a delicious fish dish had been prepared by Maharaj and Mo-kun. Maushumi Pan and Sarika had prepared some dishes. Sanjay Pan had prepared Pakoras. I was the only non-cook for the meal!

During dinner Maharaj mentioned that there would be a lecture in Shimbashi on the 1st Saturday of next month. I asked him if he could come to our home for dinner after that. Maharaj said with a twinkle in his eye that he had already been invited by another family. And that he had the answer ready and was waiting for my invitation! I said with a smile that I will need to be more proactive in the future. He rejoined that I should book a year in advance!

After dinner when we were about to leave, Maharaj said that he wanted to give me some typing work, but did not do it as there was not so much time. He would give it to me later. It was regarding the guided meditation CD. I had done some typing before for the Japanese CD. Now, Maharaj wants to prepare audio for Guided Meditation in English.

He asked if I had heard the Guided Meditation CD. I was embarassed, as he had presented me with a CD about 2 weeks earlier and I still had not heard it in a proper way. I said that I have not heard it in a proper way, but have only heard some parts while having meals. And I said that I would listen to it.

1 July Thu

I called Maharaj at 11 am from the office. I wanted to ask about Guru Poornima which is tomorrow.

Maharaj first asked when we had returned the previous Sunday. Then he told me that they had preserved the paneer sabji and sevai sweetdish prepared by Sarika and served it to a vegetarian guest who had come yesterday. He then asked me to tell Sarika that the lid of the box she was looking for was found in the preparation room for the shrine. And she could take it the next time she came.

Then he asked me to ask what I wanted to. I asked him about Guru Poornima. If I could come tomorrow to the Math. He gave permission. I said I would try to come by 6 pm. He said ok and asked me to have dinner. Then I asked him what special thing I should do as it was Guru Poornima. He said I could do some more Japam.

I felt so happy to receive such a simple, direct, to the point reply. No frills. No round about actions. Tera Sai Tujh Mein Hai. Do Japam! That is the best service you can do to the Guru!

Then I confirmed with him about the lecture on Saturday. Was it in Shimbashi or in Yamada-san's building? He confirmed that it was in Shimbashi.

2 July Fri

Today is Guru Poornima. Started from the office at 4:15 pm and reached the Kyokai at 5:55 pm.

Met Maharaj after bowing to Thakur. He asked if I had gone to the office today. He asked as I was wearing casual clothes. I explained that we wore casual clothes for some months in the summer.

After Arati and some Japam, went down. Looked in the book on Varanasi if my name was there or not. I had this in mind since a few years but was putting it off as childish. But thought of looking and so "closing" the thought.

Saw Maharaj proceeding to the kitchen. Followed him and helped in some preparation. During dinner, had lots of conversation with Maharaj and Mo-kun. Suzuki-san was on vacation.

Maharaj : Since today is Guru Poornima, let me tell you a story about a Guru and a Disciple. There was an old Guru who lived with a Disciple. They would go and beg for alms everyday and then prepare them and have food. One day, the Guru said to the Disciple, let us go for bhiksha. The disciple said, according to your instructions, I am doing Japa and so cannot go just now. The Guru said it was not a problem and went alone for the Bhiksha. When he came back, he said to the disciple, let us cook food. Again the disciple said that he was doing Japa and so did not have time for that. Again the Guru said that this was not a problem and cooked the food. Then the Guru called the disciple to come and have food. The disciple said, since you are asking me so many times and since I should not disobey my Guru, I will come!

Then Maharaj and we all had a laugh.

Maharaj said that the kiwis were very sweet and asked me about the grapes. He wanted to eat them only if they were sweet. I tasted them and said that they were sweet.

Then he asked me if Sarika likes to read. I said that she sometimes visits some sites on the internet related to parenting and cooking. But does not read books. He said that she is a good girl. She likes the Kyokai. And, all in good time.

Then Maharaj said a few things, I think, mainly to instruct Mo-kun. He said that Mo-kun sometimes makes mistakes again and again. Making a mistake is ok, but repeating a mistake is not good. He said that the work in the Kyokai is not very difficult. But there are lots of different types of works to be done and a schedule needs to be followed. He said, living in a community is very good as it reduces ego and selfishness. This is a big advantage of staying in the Math or even a hostel. People who come to a hostel for the first time, specially if they are single children of their parents, have a tougher time. Ego, selfishness is reduced in family life too. The main thing is to reduce ego and selfishness. Why don't we see God? He is within and without. We don't see him because of our ego. The moment ego is destroyed, we see Him. But it is not easy. It is so deep rooted.

Maharaj talked about Horita-san. He came to stay at the Kyokai, but it was too late. For so many years he was used to so much freedom. So, he could not get used to the life at the Kyokai. He had his own interests. Sometimes wanted to go for hiking or for cinema. Sometimes he even came back at 1 am at night. You cannot use the Kyokai as a Hotel! This was one reason why Maharaj decided to ask him to stop staying at the Kyokai and maybe come and stay sometimes. Initially too, Horita-san had started staying at the Kyokai on the weekends. Maharaj thought about it a lot and then finally decided to convey his decision to Horita-san. Maharaj asked Mo-kun to please not discuss these things with the other devotees. He said that of course Suzuki-san knows about these things. For Suzuki-san it was easier to adjust to the life of the Kyokai as he had come at an earlier age.

Maharaj asked me if I could stay on upto 9:30 pm. I said yes. Then Maharaj said that he wanted to show me something after I had helped in washing the dishes. After washing the dishes with Mo-kun, I went to Maharaj. He showed me the lots of junk mail which he recieved. I said there was no way out. And he could safely delete mails which he did not understand. He also asked me to show him the website of Bhawan's Journal. Earlier he had asked me if I had read any reviews of his book. He said that a review was due in the Bhavan's Journal.

3 July Sat

Today was the monthly lecture at Shimbashi. We all went. I had also informed Shankar, Navneet, Amit, Punit. They had said that they would try to attend too.

Sarika sat with the kids in the back row.

Maharaj : See that they do not fall asleep and fall down.

Sarika : No, Maharaj, they won't sleep as they are waiting for Neel and Devika.

Maharaj : Who are they?

Sarika : They are Navneet and Richa's children.

Maharaj : Are they coming?

Ashish : Maharaj Shankar is also coming.

Maharaj : Ashish is silently motivating people.

Maharaj gave a very nice lecture on the Bhakti Yoga in the Bhagvad Gita. Here are some points which I liked from the lecture.

Jnana Yoga is very difficult to practise. From the very beginning, one has to discriminate and think that one is pure consciousness and one does not have any desires. Raman Maharishi, Nisargatta Maharaj, Krishnamurti were Jnana Yogis. Their books are available in the market. But it is not easy to practise.

Thakur's explanation of how we leave all philosophical thinking when a thorn pricks us. Swami Vivekananda once said that when I am fine, the body, the mind, the environment are ok, then it is easy to discriminate. But when I have stomach ache, I just cry - O Mother, O Mother, please cure me. And Swamiji was a Jnani par excellence. Swamiji also says that one or two out of twenty million people can say that they do not have desires. Body consciousness is so strong.

So, it is better to practise Bhakti Yoga.

Thakur said to Kali Maharaj that when you can see the same God in purity (ganga water) and impurity (ditch water) then you will have had the highest realization. Here it is a question of attitude, not of use!. It does not mean we should drink ditch water.

If you are a devotee and you talk of I, you must remember that you are talking of the child I, devotee I, servant I. There cannot be any I of a devotee without reference to God. The source of egotism is thinking of I without reference to God. So the idea of agency has to be there. I am the agent of God.

In India, spiritual life is a life of cheerfulness. In the West, seeing Swami Vivekananda being jolly and cutting jokes, somebody asked him - Swami are you never serious? Swamiji said, yes I am serious when I have a stomach ache!

One indication of progress in spiritual life is cheerfulness. Face will be full of joy. Usually whenever monks meet, they are very joyful. Before devotees, they usually restrain themselves.

25 July Sun

Today I came back from India. Sarika and the kids remained in India. They will come back on the 29th of August.

I had brought some sweets for Maharaj and wanted to deliver them to him while they were fresh. So was hoping to go to the Kyokai. Called the Kyokai, but learned that Maharaj had gone to some other prefecture and would return on Monday.

26 July Mon

Went to the Kyokai after office. Maharaj had not returned. Later, his phone came that he would be late. I decided to wait.

Maharaj came at 10:35 pm. I had his darshan and presented him the sweets. He asked me if I would stay on for the night. When I said it would be better if I return, he asked me not to wait but to proceed home as it was getting late.

30 July Fri

Maharaj called in the morning at about 11 am to enquire about what time I would be coming. I said about 7:30 pm. Maharaj said that he would wait for me. And that there is a hanabi in Zushi which he usually sees. Suzuki-san is busy at the Mother's House and so will not have dinner with us. I said that it was not necessary to wait for me. Then Maharaj said that he would leave the key to the Kyokai in the post box.

Maharaj again called in the evening at about 4 pm and asked if it was possible for me to come a bit earlier as then I could go with him for the hanabi. I saidthat I could start from the office at about 5 andreach the kyokai at about 6:30. He wanted to be sure that there would not be problems in the office. I reassured him that it would be ok in the office. He said that he was planning to start at about 7 pm. I said I would try to come between 6:30 and 7.

I started at 5:20 and reached at about 6:55. Maharaj was in the shrine room. I too sat down. Sitting there, I had two nice thoughts. One was, Thakur saying to me - I give you so much, but you fritter it away. The other was, life is not routine, predictable. It is not that once you fix yourself some niyamas, you can close your eyes from everything else and cruise on auto. Every day is a new day. And we have to deal with it in a fresh way, and learn new things. Thakur learnt stuff ("as long as I live, I learn"). Maharaj also seems to take each day anew.

When Maharaj finished, I bowed. He asked if I had eaten, when was the last time I had eaten, and insisted I take something. I took a cup of milk and two biscuits.

Then we started for the hanabi. Maharaj asked me to take an umbrella in case it rained - we could share it. He had also taken his shoulder bag. He asked if I knew why he was carrying it. I said no. He joked that a sadhu looks more complete with a jhola. Then he joked that a sadhu is complete with a jhola and a chela!

He asked me if I had heard the story about Faith. I said no. He said that once there was no rain for a long time. So all the people went to gather in a temple to pray. One child, while going to the temple, carried his umbrella. The others made fun of him, saying that it hadn't rained for such a long time, so where was the need for an umbrella. The child said that after everybody prayed, there surely would be rain and hence the umbrella! Maharaj said that the most important thing was to have faith. And it is not easy to acquire faith.

He asked if Arjun, Radhika and Sarika were fine in India. He then said that he had an elaborate dream about Arjun a few days back. He said, not about Radhika or Sarika or you, but about Arjun. But he did not remember the dream.

I said that I felt that since he had a dream, Arjun would become a monk. He said that even if a sadhu wants somebody to become a monk, it does not always happen. It depends on the previous birth's samskaras.

He said that very few people are actually fit for sannyas. People take sannyas and slowly work towards perfection and God showers his grace and purifies their minds.

He told the anecdote about Swami Madhavananda. He was a great monk and was the head of the Order. He had taken initiation from the Holy Mother. He started giving initiation indiscriminately to whoever asked for it. There was another great monk. He too was a disciple of the Holy Mother. He, very politely, asked Madhavanadaji to be more careful in initiating people. Swami Madhavananda said that the Holy Mother did not judge me and gave me initiation. How can I judge others?

Maharaj enjoyed the hanabi. He said that the Japanese people clap in appreciation when a good one comes. And he too did the same. I asked whether such good hanabi was available in India. He said that similar hanabi was performed every year on Thakur's birthday at Belur Math.

While coming back, we talked more. He asked me about my engineering education and schooling. When I said that I had studied at the Doon School, he said that he had visited it sometime in 87-88. He was on a three month leave to work on his book and was in the RKM Kishangarh. The boys in the school staged a play on Thakur. The President Maharaj of the RKM Kishangarh was invited and he took Maharaj along. He remembered that a strong smell of alcohol was coming from Mr. Ramchandani's mouth. He said that the play was nice. The only shortcoming was that the scenes were very small.

He asked about the education and expenses at Doon School. He compared it with RKM Schools and said that the RKM Schools provided a good foundation in Indian Spiritual tradition and values.

On returning to the Math, he said that we would have dinner in 5 minutes.

During dinner talked about various topics. I informed him about my visits to RKM Chandigarh and RKM Delhi. I told him how at Chandigarh, I wanted to talk to the Brahmachari there but did not know how to start talking. So, I asked him something about whether he was from Bengal (hoping to get a yes answer and then talk about Swami Medhasanandaji), but he did not answer my question. Maharaj was amused and said that usually Brahamacharis will be reluctant to talk about themselves, and one way to get involved in a conversation would have been to start telling him about Japan and the Kyokai in Japan!

Pitaji has Alzheimer's and is facing a lot of problems. I asked Maharaj if Sadhus were susceptible to such degenerative diseases of the brain/mind in old age. He said some sadhus have mental problems but still there is something different in them as compared to normal people.

I said that there are lots of people who are very nice and simple but are not spiritual, why is this the case? He said that herein lies grace! I further asked if I should ask my mother to take initiation from him. He said that it is better not to ask. It should come from within.

At night, before going to bed, Maharaj took special pains to see that everything was in order for me. He asked if I had seen my bed and whether it was ok. He showed me where the water jug was. Later, he got a pedestal fan for me.

31 July Sat

Maharaj asked about my brothers and sisters. I told him about Prashant in Chicago and how he is a nice boy but not interested in religion. He advised that I discuss with him his conception of God, life etc. On my saying that Prashant does not want to "risk" reading about religion, Maharaj said that I should tell him that religion will make him work better; e.g., Arjun.

Maharaj again said that Sarika is a very good girl. I asked him if I should ask Sarika to request him for initiation. He said, no; this should come from herself.

At about 11 am, I was doing japam when Maharaj called me. I left and came. He said, "Aap kahan chhupe huey thay?" Then talked a lot in Hindi. He joked that he could give a lecture in Hindi. I rejoined that then two translators would be required. He said that Hindi is the national language and so for Indians, should not be a problem. But if Lonnie-san or Columbo-san were present, then maybe. He then recited lots of dohas. Including :

Vaasana tu to chamaran, neechan ati neech;   Main to poorna Brahman tha, tu na hot beech.

He said that Turiyanandaji had read it written on some temple wall and when Swami Vivekananda had heard it, he liked it a lot. This has the gist of Vedanta. He asked me to recite it to Sarika.

I was helping in the movement of stuff from Mother's House and was perspiring profusely. And even grunting sometimes as I was tired. Maharaj passed by. I said I have started to sing. He asked me to take off my shirt as I was perspiring so much. I said that I could not take out my shirt as I was not wearing a baniyan. He returned after some time with a gerua colored collarless T-shirt. He said that some devotee had given it to him. He wore it for a moment then took it off and started to give it to me. I objected saying it was gerua! He said, no it is not gerua; it is a different color; if it was gerua, he would not have given it to me. I happily accepted it. He asked me to put it on. I said that I would take a bath to get over the perspiration and then put it on. He took me to the computer room which is air conditioned and made me sit there. I sat there for some time and then came back to my room and changed the T-shirt.

Maharaj said that on some date this month, he had initiated lots of devotees (probably 11). He said it was good for the society.

He said that Hari-san was a very nice boy and that even in India, we do not get such boys easily. I asked him if Hari-san does not want to become a monk. He said with a smile that he had not asked Hari-san! Later, while moving stuff from the Mother's house with Hari-san and Suzuki-san, I asked Hari-san if he wanted to become a monk? He said no. I asked if he wanted to get married? He said yes. I said that it would be tough to get a like minded girl. He agreed.

Maharaj was talking about pronunciation. From there, to the CD on Meditation in Japanese. He said that all the people who commented about it, liked it. He said that Thakur gets his own work done. We are only instruments. First Shanti-chan came. Then Atsushi-san. They did the recording for free. It usually costs four to five hundred thousand yen. I asked about the CD in English. He said he is having second thoughts. As not too many would be sold in Japan. And he was not sure how many would be able to sell in the USA and other countries. I asked if other CD's were available in the USA with similar contents and he said no. Then I said that this CD should sell. He was concerned about the accent. Earlier Maharaj had said that this CD was very beneficial. The songs' CDs were used as entertainment too. But this one was beneficial for people who wanted to learn meditation.

I told Maharaj about Ramdev Swami in India and his growing popularity in Northern India. He said that we need to be careful. People who become famous so soon usually give simplified version of stuff. And that we should not be taken by the "current fad" of the people. These keep on changing.

I asked Maharaj about Pranayam. Maharaj said that Pranayam needs to be done very carefully as the long term effects can be very bad. He said that one general advice is not to hold the breath. He also advised that it is safer to stick to the Pranayams recommended by Swamiji. I asked if Bhraman Pranayam (as instructed by Maharaj some time back) was safe and he said that that was just rythmic breathing and as such ok.

After the Arati, Maharaj sang a song on Raghupati by Tulasidas. He said it is simple and I can learn it and sing along. After that he was very happy and said that this is the first time he sang a Hindi bhajan in front of me.

At night, when I returned to the room after cleaning dishes, Maharaj had already put the pedestal fan from his office room to in front of my room. He is so well mannered that he wouldn't enter my room while I was absent. And of course so considerate.

1 Aug Sun

I was getting a bit late in reaching the shrine room in the morning and in my hurry went in shorts. Maharaj reminded me very gently that I should be wearing something longer. I changed to pants.

The previous night, I was leafing through the Meditation book by Swami Bhaskaranandaji. There, had read two nice advises regarding Japa (a) even after finishing Japa, sit for some time, (b) Japa for Bhakti Yoga - imagine the diety sitting in front of you. The (a) advise was very beneficial. Sat for about 7-8 minutes. It was like enjoying a drive in cruise control after having made an effort to drive at high speed. After trying to concentrate the mind, it is nice to relax and let go and enjoy doing japam in an easy way. And it surely will have benefits as mentioned by Swamiji. Regarding (b), Maharaj had asked me to imagine the diety in the heart. Combining the two advises, I tried to forget the body and zoomed in so as to have a larger picture of the diety sitting on the lotus. This seemed to be easier.

After the usual morning routine in the shrine, there was reading from the Buddha, Christ and then the Ramakrishna Suprabhatam was sung. Maybe this is the routine for Sundays.

Maharaj informed that there would be a Pooja on the land of the Holy Mother's house, before the new construction starts, on the 18th, Wednesday at 9:00 am. I said to Maharaj that I will come. Maharaj said, ok, try to come.

Maharaj said that his Guru, Swami Vireshvaranandaji used to perform functions on Wednesdays, if there were no other auspicious days nearby. This is because Thakur was born on a Wednesday. Maharaj said that he heard this from the Secretary Maharaj of Swami Vireshwaranandaji and that he too tries to follow this.

He mentioned that Swami Gokulanandaji of the Delhi Math will accompany Maharaj back from India next January. He will stay for about 2 weeks. He will probably inaugrate the new Holy Mother's house. I requested him that Swami G. come to our home. Maharaj said let us see. And that now our house is a bit far. I tried to say that it was not too far and we could reach in one and a half hours by car.

Maharaj was explaining the layout of Mother's new house to Mitamura-san. He said that there will be a veranda on the second floor too. And Mo-kun had remarked that he was tempted to stay in the new house. Maharaj had joked that for that Mo-kun would have to become a lady devotee. I laughed out aloud. Maharaj said that Mo-kun had also laughed.

Maharaj asked me about my company, English, working hours, why others have to stay late, ...

I told him about how I was joking with Arjun in India to come back with me as I would be lonely and he could sit with me at the office. And how Arjun asked whether I was joking and then said please do not joke like this with me. Maharaj laughed a lot and asked me to tell him how the conversation proceeded in Hindi. Then he said that sometimes children talk like grown up people.

6 Aug Fri

Took half a day off from the office at about 1:20pm. At the Mitake station (Ome Line), met Osonoi-san. He was looking very weak. I enquired about his health. He said he was ok. Later Maharaj informed us that Osonoi-san's heart is weak and if he walks a short distance, he gets pain in his chest.

Osonoi-san said that Maharaj would be coming in a few minutes and so we would wait on the platform. Maharaj arrived by the next train. Kanai-san, Columbo-san (Enrico) and his brother Carlos Columbo were accompanying Maharaj.

Maharaj expressed his pleasure at seeing us. He enquired how long we had been waiting for. It was about 4:15 and Maharaj was feeling a bit hungry. So he asked Kanai-san. We all proceeded to the bus stop, and Maharaj and Kanai-san went to a nearby shop to purchase something to eat.

After coming to the bus stop, Maharaj asked Kanai-san to check if Milk Tea was available in some wending machine. It was available, but it was cold. Maharaj said he preferred hot tea. He said, put the can in the sunlight and it will warm up a bit. We looked around and could find hot tea in a nearby coffee shop which we brought for Maharaj. He asked what will happen to the cold tea in the can? I said that I will drink it. He asked whether I liked hot tea or cold tea? I said both. He then threw away some cold tea from the can and added some hot tea from the paper cup to make the tea in the tin warmer. Then he gave the tin to me.

We all proceeded to the cable car station. There the hotel owner had come in his jeep type mini car. He took Osonoi-san and our luggage. We all went by cable car. In the cable car, Maharaj asked me what a joke is called in Hindi. I said mazaak. He then laughed, repeating what Arjun had said - Aap aisa mazaak mat keejiye. He said it was a chetavani. He then enquired about Sarika, Arjun and Radhika.

We reached the hotel - Yamanaka Sou. Shanti-chan, Atsushi-san, Suzuki-Oka-san, and lots of other people were waiting for us. The shrine had been setup. First we all proceeded to the shrine room. Then we all had tea and light snacks in the dining room.

Then some free time followed by Arati, brief meditation, dinner. After dinner, free time and then a get together where some announcements were made followed by introductions.

Then Maharaj talked a bit about the advantages of such a retreat. He said some of us practise spiritual disciplines at home. But we cannot shake of the worldly air at home. Thakur also said that it was possible for householders to realize God, but they needed to retire into solitude now and then. For a few days or atleast for one day. The mind and body are spiritually recharged. We regain our enthusiasm and with renewed energy can go back to our homes to continue the fight.

Maharaj told everybody their duties. Mani's duty was to ring the bell at the appropriate times. Maharaj reminded him to ring it at 5:00am. And then joked not to ring it at the middle of the night. He recounted the episode when one brahmachari had to ring the bell in the morning at 4:00am. He was very nervous because of this responsibility. He got up at about 2:00am, mistook it to be 4:00am and rang the bell waking everybody up.

Hari-san, Mani and I were to share a room on the second floor, next to Maharaj's room.

7 Aug Sat

We had gone to bed at about 10:30 the previous night and uncharacteristically, it had taken me some time to fall asleep. Still my eyes opened a little before 4:00am and I was feeling fresh.

I thought of doing japam but then thought it would be better to conserve energy for the one hour scheduled japam from 5:20am! During japam, sat for about 54 minutes without opening the eyes or changing the leg position.

There was a nice hatha yoga session taken by a Japanese person (whose wife Seema, 2 daughters and mother-in-law we had met in the Kyokai a few months back). He would take us gently from stretching exercises to postures of Asanas.

The lecture was on "Learn to make the whole world your own". This spanned both Saturday and Sunday. Notes from this lecture and the Q&A sessions are here.

After lunch, Maharaj wanted to take a short walk. He kindly asked me to accompany him. We walked up and down near the start of the Mitake-san Jinja steps.

Maharaj said - Vaasna Tu and asked me to complete it. I completed it. He corrected my pronunciation of Brahma. He said I was sounding more like Bhrama (delusion)!

He said that before the retreats in Mitake-san, there were some retreats in Nasu. A devotee has a summer house there. Maharaj liked the place, but there were some problems - it is not of easy access (a taxi is required), it is far from Tokyo, the house is a bit small, and the cooking and cleaning of dishes had to be done by ourselves.

Maharaj asked me if I took rest in the afternoons on Sundays. I said usually not. I said that earlier I was more fond of lying down and would lie down whenever I got an opportunity. Now the tamas was decreasing slightly. Maharaj said, atleast one vasana was decreasing!

Then I said that when I was in university, I was so fond of sleeping in the afternoon that I would miss all my practicals. He gave a laugh and slapped my back in jest. He asked me how about my school. I said, yes, in summers, there was a compulsory period of 2 hours in the afternoon when we had to be in bed. He said that is probably how you got this habit.

He said that he too was in a residential school and when he went back home, he would very often lie down. His mother would ask him why he lied down so much. There were not any books at home to his liking and he had a few friends who had become distant once he went to the RKMission school. Partly because of his different school and partly because of his changing likes, ideas etc. But he used to miss their company.

We came back to the hotel. Maharaj asked me to get his alarm clock from the shrine and went back to him room. When I went to give him the alarm clock, he was lying down on his bed (on the floor, japanese style). He asked me what I would do now? I said I wasn't sure. He asked me to take a cushion and sit down. I was so happy.

First he talked about vitamin supplements and health. Then he talked about progress in spiritual life and struggling and grace of God.

He said that hr had gone through some parts of the book which I gave him (How to live longer and feel better by Linus Pauling). He said there were nice points in the book. He said he is taking lots of supplement tablets. He asked how many I was taking. I again told Maharaj about how taking these vitamins had benefitted our family. I told him about Prashant's ear pus and how it stops with Vitamin C. I said that it is good for arthritis too and asked about Swami Bhaskaranandaji. Does he have arthritis as he was moving in a stiff manner? Maharaj said not arthritis but back pain. He had had an accident and so cannot sit down.

He said however much we try to save the body, nature has the last laugh. And that this is not a new concept. Since ages, people were trying to increase their life and vitality so that they could enjoy life more. But this body is perishable. So what has to be done? We have to take care of this body but we should not love this body. This apparently is a paradox, but can only be practised if our thinking is based in deep philosophical thoughts.

But this is not easy. It is easy to talk and even to read. But when one practises, then one realizes how difficult it is. How difficult it is even to make a little progress. It is not possible to make progress without the grace of God. There are samskaras of innumerable births. We talk about faith in God. But this is just talk. We can only realize it after we have struggled and after we have had God's grace.

Some devotees would complain to the Holy Mother that they had been practising disciplines for such a long time after getting initiation, and still their samskaras were not reducing. Holy Mother would say - what do you know about your own samskaras.

People talk about miracles. They want to see miracles. What can be a greater miracle than the granting of freedom with the giving of initiation!

As Thakur says, we have to be like the kitten. It only says mew, mew. So, we just need to say, Mother, Mother.

During the evening get-together, Maharaj read excerpts from a lecture a former student of his had emailed to him. The lecture was delivered by a person at IIM Bangalore last month. It dealt on the various lessons the author had learnt during his life and what was the meaning of success.

Before we retired for the night, Maharaj called out aloud to Mani - Mani what is this, you did not ask, Maharaj what service can I do for you?

Talked a lot with Hari-san and Mani before retiring for the night.

12 Aug Thu

I called Maharaj at about 9pm to ask his permission to come on Friday evening and stay at the Math for the weekend.

Maharaj seemed to be in his "indrawn" mood. The way he becomes in late evenings before retiring. He gave permission to come. Then he enquired about what I had had for dinner. I told him that I had made sabji the previous day and used it tonight too with mathri. He was surprised that I made sabji without looking at any recipe book and said that the next time he comes to our home, I should prepare one sabji!

13 Aug Fri

Reached the kyokai a bit before 7pm.

Mo-kun was meditating. Maharaj was in his office room. I bowed to Thakur, Ma, Swamiji, then placed the fruits I had brought in the shrine preparation room and then went to bow down before Maharaj.

He was setting up a gamla. He then took it and placed it in the shrine. He took a look at the fruits and said that, you have also brought nashi. I too had got these from the market today, but I did not offer them to Thakur. Maybe he wanted nashi and so you brought them. He asked me to offer the fruits to Thakur. After that, I did some japam. Maharaj too was doing meditation.

During dinner, talked about various things. Maharaj was talking about his shaving habits and how he is always lazy when it comes to shaving. He also mentioned about the twin carpenter boys who were very young and working in the Kyokai. They guessed Maharaj's age to be 30 years! He is 58. I asked when he had joined the Order. He said that he joined in '74, got Brahmacharya in '80 and Sannyas in '84.

After dinner, there was reading in Maharaj's room. Reading from Ramakrishna The Great Master by Swami Saradananda, the new translation by Swami Chetanananda. After that, Suzuki-san and Mo-kun left and I stayed back. Maharaj talked about various things.

He asked me to inform Prashant that Maharaj will be visiting Canada and the USA (do not mention that he will be coming to Chicago). Also to give him Prashant's telephone number. Then if Maharaj has the inclination, he will call up Prashant.

Maharaj : Do you know about Amit? Where is he?

Me : Maharaj he is a bit busy in the office. He sometimes has to go on Saturdays also. He was saying that he will try to come to the retreat for a day.

Ma : Why is he so busy?

Me : ... Front office, Back office testing etc. ...

Ma : Do all people in Banks get good money?

Me : Yes Maharaj. Actually in Securities companies. Work is not so difficult, but since these companies have money, so they give.

Ma : Upto which class will your children study in the same school?

Me : 6th Maharaj. The school will close in 2011.

Ma : Is it? Why?

Me : ... Shortage of Nuns ...

Ma : Radhika can become a Nun (laughs).

Me : Maharaj, she will become a Nun in the Sarada Math. Lonnie-san's son was also in the same school.

Maharaj showed concern for Lonnie-san. Lonnie-san has had a tough time. He is divorced and his son does not keep in touch. The lady who accompanies him is his companion. Maharaj said that he is hesitant in asking ladies who come to the kyokai about their husbands as sometimes they are divorced. Now-a-days in Japan, once the children grow up, sometimes the ladies want a divorce. They cannot put up with the vagaries of their husbands.

I said that old age is a problem because you need somebody to look after you in case of illness. Maharaj recounted his meeting a 93 year old woman who has to go to work everyday to earn money. Maharaj asked her why she doesn't ask for a care taker from the ward office? She said that her doctor had said that she was perfectly ok and so would not get a caretaker!

I remarked that there is so much pain. Why is there so much pain? Maharaj said that Thakur whoud say - who feels pain? Everybody is God. God has become everybody. So the question of God protecting us from pain as a kind parent does not arise.

I said that this was not a satisfactory answer. He said that the answer was not satisfactory as we were ignorant. Once our ignorance is over, the same answer will be satisfactory. He then said that elsewhere Thakur says that sometimes he too doubts whether God is kind or unkind. And then he thinks that he is not qualified to judge God and so he just prays to God for devotion. Maharaj said that in this relative world, it was not possible to give satisfactory answers - answers which are satisfactory for all. Some answer which is satisfactory to me may not be satisfactoy to another person. The wise people, when they see truth face to face, get satisfied and become peaceful. After that, when they come to the relative plane, they are not perturbed by such questions. They may give some answers or they may keep quiet.

I asked Maharaj, is there a Ramakrishna Lok?

Maharaj said, yes. Then he joked - do you want the pin number? telephone? fax? email address of Ramakrishna Lok? I said, yes Maharaj, no more questions. It is for realization. After a pause, he said, there are various spiritual planes. Ramakrishna Lok is one such plane. There the devotees of Thakur reside and enjoy Thakur's company in their subtle bodies. The gross body of course is destroyed. They live in their subtle bodies. I asked, Maharaj is the ego included in the subtle body? Maharaj said yes. Otherwise who will enjoy? I do not want to be sugar, I want to eat sugar! Thakur had also said that first be sugar and then retain the ego to enjoy sugar. So, first realize the identity with Brahman and then become a devotee.

Then Maharaj told me to go and take rest. He came to my room to make sure that it had been setup properly - the bed sheets were changed and there was water. He also told me about the work which needs to be done tomorrow - send the article by Subroto Bagchi on Defining Success to Columbo-san and his brother.

14 Aug Sat

Got up at 5:15 and was in the shrine by 5:45. The chanting and reading from the Gita were at 6:20. Did some more japam after the chanting. Then came back to my room and read from "God Lived with Them".

During breakfast, asked Maharaj about the apparent contradiction between the following kinds of advice. One, love everybody, the whole world is your won. Two, keep away from people with worldly inclinations. Maharaj said that it was an interesting question, but since it was getting late for the reading, he would talk about it later.

He also informed Mo-kun and me about the visitors who are expected tomorrow and that he would go to the Indian Embassy for the Independence Day flag hoisting. He said that since the monthly lectures in the Embassy had been discontinued, it was important to keep some touch with the Embassy. He asked me if I would like to come with him. I was happy and said yes.

After breakfast, there was reading from Swamiji's Raja Yoga. After the reading, Maharaj asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him. I said yes. He then joked whether I wanted to go for a walk or for a walk with him? I said, a walk with Maharaj.

During the walk, Maharaj elaborated on the question I had asked. He said, there are two things - spiritual truth and behavioural truth. The story about the Mahaout God. God resides everywhere, but will we embrace the tiger? God resides in all. And we should love all. But how the love is expressed will differ. A doctor expresses his love by curing the patient. A teacher expresses his love by teaching. Sometimes there is no way for us to express our love. For example, some children died in a fire a few days ago in India. Now, we cannot express our love for the departed souls and their grieving parents either by money or by going there. What can we do? We can pray for the departed souls and for the grieving parents. And such prayer has its effect.

Then Maharaj recited a Bengali saying. The meaning was that a Sadhu can redeem a sinner, but an aspirant on the path should keep away from the sinner. Maharaj explained the concept of adhikarbheda. He said:

If I want to express my love for a person who is indulging in wrong activities, I should be sure that in helping him, I myself do not get influenced by him. He related the story of a person who had a very kind heart and wanted to help prostitutes. But he fell in love with one of them! So, we should know where we stand. Some people go to the other extreme in practising the difference between spiritual and behavioural truths. The caste system and a strong sense of untouchability are examples. Swamiji was very angry at this and used to say that the priests who practise untouchability should be kicked and thrown into the ocean!

So, a Guru is required. These things do not become clear by reading books or listening to lectures. And there are some people who read and discuss Swamiji's books for the novel ideas. They will read and discuss and even visit Swamis. They will enjoy all this. But they will not practise!

Maharaj then talked about other things. Golfballs coming to where he walks; cats; dogs' story - Bihari shopkeeper in calcutta who fed them jalebis and when they asked for more, said - you see, i am not a rich person and so cannot feed you more; trip to USA and Canada, his brother's birthday required for visa to Canada!

I asked about his brothers and sisters. He said there were 4 sons and 5 daughters born to his parents. One daughter died very young. A son died at 7 years and another died at 10 years. Of the remaning daughters, the eldest (she was older than Maharaj) died some time before Maharaj came to Japan. She was one and a half years elder to him. He was sad when she passed away and remembered how he used to trouble her when they were young. He said he used to fight a lot with her. I was very amused and expressed my surprise that Maharaj used to fight with his sister. He said yes, he used to fight a lot. Mostly verbally, but sometimes he used to pull her hair too! When she was married, he cried a lot. Tears were falling in torrents. He himself was surprised that he was crying so much. He said such is the human mind.

I asked Maharaj about his brother, what is he doing? Maharaj said that he is practising homeopathy, in his father's clinic. He said that his father was a very famous doctor in the locality. Not only because he was a good doctor, but also because he was a good human being.

After we came back from the walk, Maharaj went to his room and I went to wash the dishes from breakfast. After some time, Mo-kun came to inform me that Maharaj was calling. Maharaj asked me about the typing work - about the lecture from last year's retreat. I was embarrased and said that it was still pending. He said that I usually type a lot of stuff when there is a time boundation, but if there is no time boundation, then work can only be finished if it is in the schedule. So, I should try to keep 2-3 hours every weekend for Maharaj's typing work. Of course, if I have some other work on some particular weekend, then I need not do it for that weekend. He then gave me some papers for typing. These are to accompany the Chanting CD. Lots of devotees were requesting this. I would type the English part. Professor Nara had offered to translate it into Japanese. I should do the typing within 4 weeks.

After this I went back to finish the dish washing. Then I requested Suzuki san to create an account for me on the computers. He was kind enough to make it immediately.

There were other conversations with Maharaj during the day. Maharaj asked how old is Arjun? I told him 5 and then said that at his age, I had gone to a boarding school. Maharaj remarked that Ashish is slowly revealing his past! Then we discusses the pros and cons of sending children to boarding schools at a young age. Maharaj went to a boarding school when he was 10 years old. He would cry and send pathetic letters home. His father thought that since he was so sad, let us bring him back. But his mother thought it was better if he stayed on. Then Maharaj's father came to visit him and told him that he could decide whether he wanted to stay or not, but he had to stop sending such letters! Later, as the Principal of a college, he faced similar situations even with 16 year old children. Maharaj said that he is of the opinion that children should be sent to boarding school from College onwards, not before that. I asked him how many students from the Vidyamandir where he was Principal became monks. He said about 35 and that this was a great achievement.

He said that even after renouncing the world and becoming a monk, some strings still remained. While getting a passport, father's name, mother's name are required. And a surname is asked. Usually, the Ramakrishna Monks give Swami as the surname. For the visa for Canada, even his brother's birthday was required. He had to ask his brother.

I said to Maharaj that in the Gita, it says that highly evolved souls who do not reach spiritual emancipation, take birth in religious families. But if we notice families of some devotees of Thakur, usually, their children do not become monks. For example, Master Mahashaya, Balram Basu. Maharaj said, this is not contradictory to what the Gita says!

Maharaj remarked that it is so difficult to know about the past life! You were in India, and I too was there. We did not know each other. But met in Japan and have a relationship. So, want to know about the past life. But it is so difficult! For the Holy Mother, it was an open book. For example, her comments on seeing tourists at Sarnath.

15 Aug Sun

Need to fill in lots of stuff here

19 Dec Sun

This was another joyous day when we had Maharaj's darshan. It was the 3rd Sunday gettogether.

Maharaj had called up Sarika a few days back to tell her that she and Richa will need to cook the lunch. We started at about 7:40 and reached at about 8:40. Maharaj was in a very jolly mood and talked with all of us including Arjun and Radhika.

In the kitchen, Maharaj showed Sarika the places where the various vegetables, ingredients etc. were kept. He then asked us to close our eyes and open our mouths. Then he placed something in our mouths and asked us to guess what it was. It was baigan ka bharta which Maharaj had prepared the previous day. He asked us how it tasted. The taste was perfect. Maharaj was very happy and said that it was because he had a good teacher in Sarika. Then Maharaj in turn became the teacher and taught Sarika and Richa how to make dal in one particular way.

Maharaj asked me to help Kanai-san with the arrangements as Mo-kun had gone to India. During the day, I helped in the kitchen, in setting up the tables and in serving, in some market work and in some baby sitting. I could only attend some portion of the morning lecture and could not attend the afternoon session. Though I could hear what Maharaj was saying on and off as speakers had been installed by Atsushi-san in the kitchen, the visitor room and in the computer room.

The lecture was on "Total Health according to Hindu Tradition". Initially, I started to take notes. Then I thought, let me forget about the notes as I can transcribe the lecture later on from the audio CD, and let me enjoy the lecture as of now. But I only got sleepy! Then I restarted the notes taking, but left soon thereafter to help in the serving for lunch.

During the lecture, Maharaj said that three things are important : understanding, acting, patience. He said that in his recent trip to Okinawa, he met an elderly Indian gentleman. He is about 70 years old and frankly said to Maharaj that recently he had lost interest in spiritual matters. Earlier, he had read and listened to a lot of spiritual topics. But did not benefit from them and so was in a sense disillusioned. Maharaj said that he told the elderly gentleman, that his problem was that though he had heard and read a lot, he had not practised what he had heard and read. And that this is a problem with many people. Even with some of our devotees. We need to remember Thakur's advise. He said that simply hearing about milk will not suffice. Not even seeing or even drinking it once. To derive benefits from milk, we have to drink it again and again. And there is a well known saying that even an ounce of practise is better than hearing a ton of advise.

Maharaj had asked Sarika to start preparing the luchis (the difference between luchis and pooris according to Richa is that luchis are made from maida and pooris from atta) once everybody was seated, so that everybody could enjoy hot luchis. When everybody had sat down, Maharaj came himself to serve the luchis. I said, Maharaj, I will serve these. Maharaj joked, why does Ashish want to deprive me of the joy of serving the devotees. I said with a smile, Maharaj you already are full of joy. Maharaj seemed to enjoy the reply and again repeated what he had said.

During lunch, Maharaj related the story of a saint in Vrindavan. He had very strong renunciation. He would only beg for rice. He did not accept anything else. He would offer the rice to Sri Krishna and have it himself. One night Krishna appeared to him and said, you see, I have been eating this rice for so long. There are no vegetables etc. to accompany this rice. It is ok, but can't you add some salt? The saint got irritated and told Krishna, I only beg for rice, I will not be able to beg for anything else. If you want salt, go beg for it yourself!

In the afternoon session, Maharaj informed everybody about the Inaugration of Holy Mother's House on the 16th of January, Sunday. He told people about their duties. Sarika will be involved in cooking on Sat and Sun. I will be involved in taking photographs and transporting people between the Holy Mother's house and the Main Math Building.

During the question and answer session, Maharaj said that in some respects we need to accomodate ourselves with the other people and environment. But in some respects, where basic principles are concerned, we have to stick to our principles. We should not compromise. It is these which hold us and enable us to go forward. Sometimes people come and ask his advise regarding whether they should drink alcohol because it is an accepted and expected social practise in Japan. Maharaj's answer is an unequivocal no.

About 36 people were present for lunch. Mani had come. Rao-san and the lady who used to come to attend lectures at the Indian Embassy came after a long time. Lonnie-san was not there. During evening tea, Amit Thakur came. And four more Indians came.

24 Dec Fri

Today was Christmas Eve. Started from the office at 4 pm, started from home at 5:40 and reached the kyokai at about 8:10.

Maharaj's lecture was in the finishing stages. The notice board had the program details and my name was mentioned for reading an extract from the Bible in English. But since we were late, I could not read from the Bible.

During dinner, Maharaj talked about various things. A young boy of about 18 had come for the first time. Maharaj was talking and joking with him.

Among other things, there was khichuri for dinner. He asked Sarika to take the khichuri from his dinner plate as he had had it during lunch. He asked all how they liked the khichuri and said, do you want to know who made the khichuri? Then he asked me to ask Shanti-chan. She said, Maharaj had prepared it. Maharaj said that when he had come to Japan, he was worried about his survival as regards to food if there was nobody to cook for him. Now he had learnt to cook and could even take care of others as regards to food. He remembered Thakur's saying - so long as I live, I learn. He said, during Thakur's last days, he was lying in bed and two disciples were talking. Regarding something, one disciple said, yes, yes, I know about that. Thakur corrected him saying - this attitude is not right. You should not brag. You should have the attitude of a student, always learning. Then Maharaj told me the words in Bengali - Shokhi ....

Maharaj was talking with Arjun and Radhika but they were feeling shy and were not responding. I asked Maharaj about Columbo-san. That he usually visits, but had not come today. Maharaj said that he wanted to come and had even made a reservation. But Maharaj reminded him of the function in January. Maharaj said that if possible, come for both Christmas and the function in January. If he could only come for one, it was better to come for the January function. So, Columbo-san would come in January.

Maharaj enquired about Suzuki-oka-san and Papiya-san. Shanti-chan said that Papiya-san had a bad headache and so had not been able to come.

Later he asked Lonnie-san, Amit and me about how to encash a cheque from America in a cheap way. Some devotees from America send him money but the encashing fees is very high, nearly 30 dollars. Some people send 50-100 dollars and it does not feel right to pay so much encashing fees. Lonnie-san said that there was no way out. Cheques are not usually used in Japan and encashing a cheque from America will take so much money. Maharaj could send the cheque to some Swami in America and he would be able to encash it without paying any charges. And Maharaj could ask the devotees to send a postal transfer instead of a cheque.

While we were taking leave, Maharaj said that Sumit was enquiring about me. I was embarrased and said to Maharaj that I would reply to his email. Then Maharaj said that there was another thing he wanted to tell me. He asked me whether I had read the latest issue of the kyokai magazine. I said, yes Maharaj, maybe Maharaj. He said, why do you say maybe? He said that it had the Q&A from Mitake-san. You had written these? I said, yes Maharaj. He said Sumit's mother liked them a lot.

During dinner, Lonnie-san had asked me whether I was present for the 3rd sunday gettogether and if I could write down the lecture. I said ok. Now Lonnie-san told Maharaj that I would be writing down the lecture for the kyokai magazine.

27 Dec Mon

Talked to Maharaj over the phone from the office.

Some months ago, Maharaj had asked me what I use for the lighting the deepak at home? I had said ghee. He said that earlier he too used to use ghee, but since it is inconvenient to use it during winters, he had starting using an oil. I had forgotten which oil he used and wanted to ask him again and start using it instead of ghee. I also wanted to ask him about inviting Swami Gokulanandaji when he visits Japan in January.

Maharaj asked how I was. He then asked when we reached home that night (after the chritmas eve celebrations). I said about 1 hour and 5-10 minutes. (It had taken us about two and a half hours to reach the kyokai). He said the timings are very irratic. Then he said that before he forgets, he wants to ask about my job. I said that I would start looking in January and told him the reasons for postponing to January. He enquired about the certification and asked me to keep him posted.

I requested Maharaj if it was possible to have Swami Gokulanandaji to visit out home. He said, yes, this it will be very nice if can visit your home, but he has a tight schedule and it will be difficult. He asked me whether I was present when he told everybody the schedule? I said no Maharaj. He was surprised. He said that (on the 3rd Sunday gettogether), you were not present in the afternoon session, but you were present in the forenoon session, is it not? I said I was present for some time but was not present for the whole time. He said ok, so the schedule is as follows :

Maharaj said that the schedule was so tight and so it would not be possible for Swamiji to visit our home.

I said that then Maharaj, please, can you visit our home on the 8th of January after the Shimabshi Talk. He said that this time the talk is in Yamada-san's house. And it will be difficult to come on that day as he has to rush back to the Kyokai. Since the morning, lots of people would be involved in the preparations for Holy Mother's House inaugration program inclusing Hari-san, Shanti-chan, Atsushi-san. Maharaj asked if I would come on the 8th. I asked Maharaj if I should accompany him to the Kyokai in the evening after the talk to help in the work. Maharaj said that he will reach Kyokai late in the evening and the work will start in the morning. I asked Maharaj if I should go to the Kyokai in the morning to help in the work. He said yes, come by about 10 am.

I said Maharaj it has been a long time since you visited our home. He said no, I just came the other day. I said Maharaj you came in April. He said, so one year has not elapsed. I should not come too frequently. If I do not come for more than one year, then you can say that Maharaj it has been a long time. I said, Maharaj it is too infrequent. 1 year is a long time. He said no, it is only 12 months!

I said Maharaj I want to ask one more question. And related our previous conversation about ghee/oil for lighting the deepak and that I had forgotten which oil he uses. He said do you want to use oil? I said yes, since it is more convenient than ghee in winters. He said that he too switched to oil because of this reason. In Belur Math, ghee is used. He uses sarson ka tel. He said that Swami Siddharthanandaji used to use mixed oil. He said that once ghee is not being used, any oil should be fine and then joked that except for kerosene oil!

He asked if we would be coming on the 1st. I said yes Maharaj. I asked what time we should come. He said 10 or 10:30 should be fine. I asked if we should prepare something. He said yes, we can prepare something as Suzuki-san will be very busy in other things. I said I will ask Sarika to call him. He said that is ok, or I can tell her myself. Then he told me that we could prepare chana curry and baigan bharta, for about 10-15 people.

2005

1 Jan Sat

We reached in a little over an hour today.

Amit Thakur had come the previous night and was staying for the weekend. Later in the day, Mani, Lonnie san and his companion, Sophia san and her family and Papiya san and her family too came.

Maharaj, as always was in a jolly mood. He said that today it would be a test for Sarika (for the dal which he had taught her the last time)!

Maharaj thanked me for typing the 3rd Sunday lecture for the monthly bulletin. He said that it probably would be better not to include the whole lecture in the bulletin. The reasons are: (1) the bulletin becomes bulkier, (2) some people do not have the patience to read the whole lecture and so will skip it altogether, and (3) a shorter version would also be easier to translate into Japanese. So, for the future, he asked me to transcribe the full lecture, edit it, and then make it about one third of its size; and then send both to Lonnie-san for editing and inclusion.

After some time, Maharaj came and asked me if I had some time. He then told me to clean the entrance area with a broom. Later, I asked Atsushi san for more work. He asked me to vacuum the hallway and the rooms on the first and second floors. I could only vacuum the first floor when Maharaj called everybody for the brief Kalpa taru day program.

First he told all the significance of the day. He said that lots of us go to holy men and lots of times, holy men give us their blessings, but these blessings do not seem to have any effect on us. When Sri Ramakrishna said "Chaitanya Houk" to the devotees whom he touched, their spiritual consciousness was immediately awakened. And they could not contain the joy they felt. Some wept, some laughed, some danced and some kept quiet. Maharaj said that on this day, at the Cossipore house, every year, thousands of people come to that spot where Sri Ramakrishna acted as a Kalpa taru. There are so many people in the queue, that nobody is allowed to spend more than a few seconds on that spot. He said that the difference between a Kalpa taru and Sri Ramakrishna is that a Kalpa taru will fulfill even our harmful desires, but Sri Ramakrishna will only fulfill our noble desires.

He was saying all this both in English and in Japanese. Totally, there were about 20 people present. Then there were readings from Sri Ramakrishna, Sri Sarada, Jesus Christ and Buddha.

We were planning to go back after lunch as we thought that the children would not be able to walk all the way to the Daibutsu at Kamakura. But Maharaj said that we could come along as far as we could and then could take a bus. So, we happliy walked along. On the way, Sophia san said that her son had walked all the way to Kamakura when he was about 4 years old. So, we thought that hopefully Arjun and Radhika would be able to walk upto Daibutsu.

All along, Maharaj was his jolly self. On the way, he took Sophia san's son to a convenience store and bought a bottle of water for him. He joked that the kid was saying that he was thirsty and that that was his problem. Maharaj had a nice laugh.

At Daibutsu, everybody was posing for a photograph which Atsushi san was taking. Then I took a photograph so that Atsushi san too would be in the picture. I said, smile. To this, Maharaj responded, smiling. I started laughing and the camera shook.

From Daibutsu, we all came back to Kamakura station by bus. Then nearly all took leave of Maharaj. Maharaj was to go on to a Shinto Shrine and a Church along with Atsushi san, Amit and Mani. I was enquiring how much walking would be there, but Maharaj said that the kids had already walked enough and that we should return to the Kyokai and from there should return home without waiting for them.

8 Jan Sat

I went alone to the Math to help in the preparations for Holy Mother's New House next weekend.

Hari-san, Shanti-san, Atshushi-san, Mani were there. Mo-kun had still not returned from India. Suzuki-san was off. Mitamura-san and lots of other ladies were there too. Hari-san was taking care of the Math.

I went to drop Maharaj at the station as he had to go for the monthly Shimbashi Lecture. I left for home at about 5 pm, before Maharaj came back from the lecture. I wanted to stay on till Maharaj returned, but had to leave early as Radhika had high fever since morning.

15 Jan Sat

Maharaj had asked Sarika to come and help in the cooking for the function the next day. We all went. We reached the Kyokai at about 10:30. Papiya-san and Sophia-san had already arrived and had started cooking.

Maharaj was in his office room. He said that we were a bit late and should try to come earlier tomorrow. I bowed down. Sarika joined her hands to say pranam. The kids as usual did not do anything. Maharaj said with a smile, the children are confused since the parents are saying pranams in different ways. Sarika said, Maharaj they probably are shy. Maharaj said, you can interpret it in that way.

Sarika went to help in the kitchen. I asked Hari-san if I could help him. He said as of now, there was nothing to help him with. I was sitting with the children in the book shop room when Maharaj came. He said with a smile, why are you sitting here with the children? This you can do even at home. You should have come and asked me, Maharaj do you have some work for me?

He then gave me some typing work - to type the lunch (prasad) menu for the next day. I was feeling a bit lethargic as had been getting up at 3 am for the last two days and so did not approach Maharaj for more work.

About 15 people were expected to come to help in the preparations, but more than 30 came. Unfortunately, could not have the darshan of Swami Gokulanandaji as he had gone for a brief tour of Tokyo with Mr. Tushar Basu.

Mo-kun had come back from India. He was in very high spirits. He was very considerate in bringing lots of things for us from India. He got a small stand with Holy Mother's photograph and an impression of her feet, a locket with Sri Ramakrishna on one side and the Sri Sarada Devi on the other side, two photographs of Holy Mother and one photograph of Swami Vivekananda. He said that the best time he had was in the Belur Math, and the next time he will try to spend all his time in the Belur Math. His father and mother had also come for the celebrations the next day. He introduced me to his father.

The Columbo Brothers had come from the Phillipines, and Lonnie-san too had come.

After lunch, Maharaj told everbody their responsibilities for Sunday. I was to be Swami Gokulanandaji's driver for all his trips between the Kyokai and the Mother's House. Apart from this, I was part of the photographers' team and part of the transportation of goods team between the Kyokai and the Mother's House. Sarika would help in most of the cooking on Saturday itself. On Sunday, she was to help in cutting fruits and in serving of lunch and tea. She also would read from the Gospel of Holy Mother along with Richa and two Japanese ladies.

The ladies finished their cooking by about 6 pm and we also left as soon as possible since we had to get the car washed and to recieve delivery of groceries at home.

16 Jan Sun

We started from home at about 7:10 and reached the Math at about 8:10.

Maharaj, Swami Gokulanandaji and others were having breakfast. We entered gingerly. Maharaj asked whether we had had breakfast. I said yes. He said we probably only had tea. I said, Maharaj we had a full breakfast. Then Maharaj asked what time we had started.

Swami Gokulanandaji was sitting on a chair and table. He called Arjun, asked his name and gave him a candy. He said it was prasad. Then he gave one to Radhika and to me and Sarika too. I bowed down and touched his feet. He asked me how long I had been in Japan and I said about 8 years. Maharaj introduced me as a devotee who had come to join the Delhi Math and whose father took him back. Swamiji asked me when? I said sometime in 86-87. Swamiji said he was there in 87. I said then it must have been 86. Maharaj told Swamiji that I would be his driver.

Lots of people were coming and there was lots of work too. I made several trips between the Kyokai and the Mother's House to carry people.

Maharaj told me to knock on Swamiji's door at about 11:20, start at about 11:25 and reach the Mother's House by 11:30. He said that Osonoi-san would accompany us. Later he asked me to take Ito-san too. Mr. Tushar Basu also joined us. We reached at about 11:31. We were a bit late as all were standing outside waiting for us. There was a slight drizzle. As soon as we reached, Hari-san and Mo-kun started with the chanting. Others joined in. It felt very nice. If it had been a sunny day, it would have been perfect. Lonnie-san was holding an umbrella over Swamiji's head as he was getting out of the car, which he gave to me. When Swamiji took out his shoes to enter the building, Maharaj asked me to take care of his shoes. I places his and Maharaj's shoes close to the steps.

Then Maharaj performed Arati. I was able to sit just next to him. Samudra Gupta and Mani were also sitting there, but Maharaj asked Mani to sit a bit behind and that only people taking photographs could sit there. Then I realised the nice opportunity I had that day. Throughout the day, I had the license to roam freely around the hall and sit in the best locations as I was taking photographs!

It was so nice to see the Arati. The whole environment was wonderful. The shrine was decorated beautifully with lots of flowers, there were two beautiful lamps on the sides, the place for Maharaj was also demarcated by a nice roped 'fence' which had flowers in its base. And while Maharaj was doing the Arati, Swami Gokulanandaji was silently doing Japam with his eyes closed.

While sitting in that hall, I had some nice thoughts:

All these big celebrations, gathering, so much work and show, flowers, puja - what is the purpose of this? The purpose is to realize God. These have their place. But we have to always keep in mind that the purpose of all these is to realize our own Divine nature. As Swamiji said:

Each soul is potentially Divine. The goal is manifest this divinity within,  by controlling nature, external and internal. Do this ... and be free.  This is the whole of religion. Doctrines, or dogmas, or rituals, or books,  or temples, or forms, are but secondary details.

And both Swami Medhasananda and Swami Gokulananda seemed to be leading two lives. One external and one internal. Like the teeth of the elephant. With all the external celebrations going on, both surely would have the Lord's name going on internally. They are involved in all these actions, but are totally detached. How Swami Medhasanandaji takes care of so many different levels of details and deals with all keeping his peace of mind and smile. How Swami Gokulanandaji started doing Japam silently with his eyes closed. We too should constantly pay attention to the internal life, to taking the Lord's name.

During lunch, there were 92 people present. Most had lunch together. A few, including Maharaj, Sarika, Richa, Papiya had it in the second shift. I too wanted to have it later, but sat down for lunch as somebody had to sit with the children for lunch, and I wanted to finish it fast as I had to take Swamiji back to the Kyokai for a short rest after lunch.

When I took Swamiji back, Mr. Tushar Basu also accompanied Swamiji. On the way, Swamiji asked us whether we had the keys to the Kyokai! I had forgotten all about that. So we turned back to get the keys. By the time we reached the Kyokai, there was very little time for Swamiji to rest. He rested for about 10-15 minutes and then we started back for Mother's House.

While Swamiji was resting, I had a nice chat with Mr. Tushar Basu. He has been in the US since about 1973, has done engineering from the University of California, Berkley; worked in Boeing, and is now working in Lockheed Martin. He is on a temporary assignment in Nagoya for technology transfer to some Japanese company. His wife has her own software consultancy and stays in Dallas. He has a son who is studying to be a doctor at John Hopkins. He likes Japan and will be here for a few more years.

In the afternoon session, Swamiji was to give a lecture. Before the lecture, Maharaj introduced him. Maharaj said Swamiji joined the order in '54 and became a sannyasin in '63. And that when Maharaj was 16 years old and joined college, Swamiji was a vibrant Brahmachari of 32. He joked that he still is very energetic and sometimes he feels old as compared to Swamiji! He said that Swamiji had worked a lot with tribal people and had even translated the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna in their language (probably Khasi).

Before the lecture started, I went upstairs where Sarika and Richa were happily gossiping. With great difficulty, I convinced them to go down and benefit from the lecture. Then I spent some time with the kids. Took them for a ride to a convenience store to buy something. Then took them for another ride to leave Sophia-san at the station.

Just before evening tea, Sarika and Richa came up again. So, I could go down. After evening tea, there was a cultural program. A lot of people sang. It was a very elevating environment. For some singers who sang particularly well, Swami Gokulananda would say, wah!

Then the time for evening Arati came. Maharaj asked me to fetch a white flower for the Arati from the Kyokai's garden. I went there, looked around, it was dark, and could not find any white flower. Lonnie-san lent me his key-chain torch, but I still could not find one. Then I asked Mo-kun and still we could not find a white flower. Then I took two flowers - one yellow, and one offwhite with some other color to Maharaj. He was surprised that I could not get a white flower but said it was ok and he would use some other flower. He asked me to place these flowers too in the tray.

After Arati, Maharaj sang many Bhajans. After that, I took Swami Gokulanandaji to the Kyokai. I took his leave, saying I was not sure whether I would meet him again tonight. I said I would try to meet him in Delhi. He said, come and stay with me!

Then I went back to the Holy Mother's House. We took leave of Maharaj. And so came to an end a very joyful, elevating day.

22 Jan Sat

I wanted to have Swami Gokulanandaji's darshan once more before he went back to Delhi. So, I had called Maharaj the previous evening to ask his permission to come and meet them. He said that they would be going to a Bengali Association Gettogether (where Swamiji would give a lecture) at about 2pm. If we wanted to, we could come earlier than that. Then he asked whether we would have lunch and I said yes. So, we all went and reached there at about 11am.

Osonoi-san and a lady from Okinawa were present.

During lunch, there was much laughter and merriment. Maharaj related how Swami Gokulananda had been questioning the lady from Okinawa in detail like a lawyer. Are you married? Does you husband object to your coming here? etc. etc. And the lady gave very interesting replies. She said that her husband did not like her coming to the Zushi Math, but she did not care. She also said that now, her husband bows down to Thakur before meals. Everybody was surprised. Then she revealed the secret - she does not serve him the meal until he has bowed down!

Maharaj asked me to do some typing work. He asked if we had any plans for the afternoon and if it would be OK for us to take him and Swamiji by car for the lecture. I was very happy and joyfully said yes. He asked me to inform Sarika and ask her too.

We started from the Kyokai at about 3:15pm. And reached the destination at about 5:00pm. All the way, Maharaj and Swamiji were in a very jolly mood and we had a very nice time. The kids had gone to sleep. Sarika was sitting in the front with Arjun. Maharaj and Swamiji were at the back along with Radhika. I have forgotten most of the things which we all were talking about. Some of the things which I remember, I am noting here.

I had taken along the prints of photographs which I had clicked on the 16th. Maharaj had asked me to keep them in the car and Swamiji would take a look at them during the journey. During the car journey, Swamiji selected some photographs, which he liked, to take back with him. Maharaj joked that this time Ashish has taken some nice photographs. He added, I do not know what is the reason, whether the camera was better, or Ashish has become better or some other reason.

Maharaj said that I make so much fun of Ashish, but he does not mind. He always nods and smiles. I said Maharaj, you should increase the intensity of your teasing. He laughed a lot.

A few days earlier, I had remarked to Maharaj that I was not very good at remembering roads and directions. He had asked me about Sarika and I said that she was worse than me. He had laughed and said that she probably would not agree. Now, he brought that discussion up in a very naughty way. He started saying something to Sarika and said that I will not tell you what Ashish told me. There was much merriment going on and I remarked, Maharaj you are behaving like a naughty boy. He was happy as a child and laughed a lot. He said this is how life is to be enjoyed, and related an incident of Swami Vivekananda and Gauri Ma where Swamiji was having fun at the expense of Gauri Ma and her mother. At that time, Gauri Ma's mother had told Swamiji that he was a naughty boy.

Maharaj said that Richa is a nice girl. And so are Papiya and Sophia. Maharaj said that before coming to Japan, he did not interact so much with ladies. He studied in a boys only school and later was a principal of that school. If there was some trouble with the boys, their guardians were informed. But it was preferred that the father come and talk to the principal instead of the mother. Because the mothers would usually become sentimental and start crying! Maharaj said that sometimes he would have to leave the Principal's office because the mother was crying.

He also remembered that once he had bunked some classed and Swami Gokulanandaji who was the acting Principal at that time had called his father. And he was very angry with Swamiji for having called his father for such a minor offence! Of course, Swamiji did not remember the incident. Maharaj said that his students too remember various incidents which he has forgotten.

Maharaj talked to Sarika about some books of the Holy Mother. He said that he would give a book to Sarika and she should read it. He asked her whether she would prefer to read the Biography of the Holy Mother or some sayings of the Mother. Sarika asked Maharaj to decide. Maharaj said that he would then give her a biography of the Holy Mother and that she should read it.

When we reached the destination, there were lots of people already assembled. Shanti-san and Atsushi-san were also there. We asked Maharaj whether we could leave once the lecture starts as it would be in Bengali? Mr. Kar was also standing close by. Very kindly, he asked us to stay, saying that there would be other things apart from the lecture; there would be some singing; he asked us to stay on and have dinner with them. Maharaj too said with a smile that music does not have any language. I was only too happy to stay on.

Swamiji spoke in Bengali. It was a speech full of humour and the audience were laughing a lot.

For snacks, we had samosa and jalebis. The dinner too was delicious. Arjun was playing cricket with some other kids. Shanti-san taught Radhika how to tap on a dhaphali to accompany two more kids on the stage, but at the last moment Radhika did not want to play. The cultural program was very nice. Mostly there were Bengali bhajans, but some were in Hindi also.

After dinner we took leave of Maharaj and Swami Gokulanandaji. Swamiji asked me to give him his email address and that he would keep in touch.

2007 

2 Jun Sat

Talks with Maharaj during dinner at the Kyokai

It is all a dream. Whatever we see, talk about, discuss, experience, is a dream. We even dream inside this dream. This dream has to be broken. We have to wake up from this dream. In how many ways Shankaracharya says in his Vivek Chudamani that all this is a dream.

It is all imagination. There is some imagination about the real, and some imagination about the unreal. We have to take the help of the imagination of the real and reach the goal. As of now, we cannot see God, we cannot experience our true self, our Atman. So, we have to imagine them. That is imagination about the real. When we study, the teacher tells us some Axioms. Do we question him? He says if we assume these axioms, we will get some results. Here too, God and the Atman are axioms. Even if we cannot see them now, assuming they are correct, we have to proceed. And then finally we will find that they are the reality, and all else is false.

There was a monk who used to appreciate beauty. He liked beauty in all its aspects. I think it is the Buddha who took him to a lake which was full of lotuses. They were beautiful. But the Buddha advised him to just look at one lotus for a long time. When the monk looked at only one lotus for a long time, he saw how it opened and it closed, and how it slowly withered away. When you look at all the lotuses, at all the phenomenon, you do not get to realize this. It is only when you restrict yourself to looking at one lotus that you see its impermanence. In a similar way, we have to look at our life. Just look at our life from the time we were children. And also a few or only one previous life. We had a body in the previous life. We surely must have tried to preserve it. And where is it now? We surely had parents and friends and wives and children. Where are they now? Even just taking this life. When we were young, we had friends. Where are they now? We have left most of them never to meet them again.

The body idea in us is so deep rooted. When we see any human being, we see his body. We see a child or an old man. We do not realize that the child was a 90 year old man just 3-4 years ago. Or that this old woman will become a child in just 3-4 years from now. We always condition our perception. This is a man, a woman, a child, an old man.

Swami Vivekananda said that even if a monk gives up all attachment and goes to live in a cave, he still may be very attached ... to his own body.

We have to discriminate. What is real and what is unreal. I am beyond the body, beyond the mind, the intellect. I am the Atman. I am not the body. Deep thinking is required. After we meditate like this for a long time, then slowly the dream starts to break. Realization does not come all at once. Swami Turiyananda used to say that he would meditate on one verse of the Gita for days. This is what is useful. What use is there to just follow the ritual of reading one chapter of the Gita everyday?

Q: Maharaj, is it ok to meditate like this in the Shrine?

Of course. This is meditation according to Jnana Yoga.

Q: Maharaj, can we do both this type of meditation which is according to Jnana yoga and also meditation according to Bhakti yoga?

Yes, both can be done. They are complementary.

Too much reading is not good. A little reading followed by a lot of thinking, discrimination, meditation is required. And then the result of that deep thinking, discrimination, meditation, should show in your life.

All this discrimination should go on together - all this is a dream, unreal, temporary; i am not the body; i am the Atman; i am not the mind and the intellect; i am full of joy, unaffected by anything.

If we analyze our life, we see that there is only a small amount of joy and a large amount of pain and worries etc. And there is some time spent in a state which is neither joyful, nor painful. But the amount of joy is very less. What drives us? The hope for joy.

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The realized souls, when they come down to the level of body consciousness, feel the thirst and hunger and pain just like other normal people. They of course realize the impermanence of these and have the capacity to again raise their level of consciousness to beyond the body, but when they are at the level of body consciousness, they feel all these like the rest of us. Swami Turiyananda asked Thakur, Sir do you feel pain? Thakur said, Of course.

We also see how Thakur was so sad when Keshab Chandra Sen passed away, or how Swami Brahmananda wept when Swami Vivekananda passed away.

Q: But they should be able to raise their level of consciousness to avoid this pain.

They can, but then this can be said about loving others too. They can raise their level of consciousness to be indifferent towards others. As they remain lower to love others, similarly, this grief is an expression of that same love.

They ged rid of base emotions, but keep and experience the good emotions.

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Q: What is the meaning of the statement that a realized soul is all knowing?

He has realized the underlying reality.  As a person who knows gold, can see the underlying gold in all ornaments made of gold. He of course does not know physics for example. For all this type of knowledge, he has to study like others. Otherwise, why would Swamiji study so much. But he can learn these things faster because of his capacity for concentration.

Q: What is the meaning of all powerful?

They have the capacity to change nature, but because of the predominance of sattva, they do not want to change it in a way which will have adverse reactions.

Q: Then why don't they remove the misery of people.

What we consider misery may be beneficial for us. After a few years we may realize the good effects of what was perceived as misery.

Q: But when there are thousands of people affected, like in a famine, that does not help people.

After a flood, there is more alluvial soil which is good for crops ...

According to Sankhya, realized souls have the power to create, destroy worlds. But according to Vedanta, there is only one who has that power and that is Ishwar. There is one Ishwar.

Q: Is Thakur Ishwar?

Yes, Thakur is Ishwar in one aspect. And he is Brahman too. Ishwar is a conditioned aspect of Brhaman. According to pure Advaita, from that realization, Ishwar too does not remain.

Q: That means Ishwar too is not real.

All these things can only be understood with direct realization. For us these are just words - Brhaman, Ishwar, Atman.

For Thakur, Ishwar (or Ishwari) was the Mother Kali. But, he cut her with the sword of discrimination (note that this is figurative speech) and then he reached the level of Avaita.

Read the portion of the Great Master which explains this.

Q: Advaita is not the final reality. Totapuri learned about the Mother from Thakur and before that, even though he had mastered Advaita, his knowledge was incomplete.

Yes, that is known as Vigyan. After reaching Adviata, when we come down, we realize that at this level, all is controlled by the Mother. This is Vigyan.

We are fortunate to have the direct utterances of Thakur. Otherwise it is not possible to see the meaning of the scriptures. Even Christians can understand Christ better, and Buddhists can understand Buddha better when they try to interpret Christ's words or Buddha's words in the light of what Thakur said. Because we do not have detailed accounts of what the Christ or the Buddha said.

Sri Krishna's life explains the Gita. By looking at Sri Krishna's life, we realize what is meant by detachment.

Even though we read the Gospel, we cannot understand all of what Thakur says. So, we need to read the Great Master. There the philosophy behind what Thakur says has been explained.